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Video Game Journalist Learns to Jump During Final Boss Battle
Lee stated, “This game’s characters are so hard to follow. I don’t know who to pick — Singleplayer or Co-op?”Photo by Jack Yang While working on a …
Italian Populace Celebrates 25 Years Since the Eruption of Pompeii
“Magma mia, that’s a spicy volcano!” said Giuseppe.Photo by Sharon Roth Historical anniversaries are often met with mixed emotions, but the tragic eruption that occurred in Pompeii, …
Violent Clashes Occur as UCPD Shuts Down Unsanctioned Open Mic
“Man, I hate having to get bailed out by my parents. So embarrassing,” said Leigh.Photo by Maria Dhilla At 5:00 p.m. on Friday, May 14, a crowd …
Snickering Researchers Warn of New Threat Posed by Updog
Scientists have looked up high and down low, but unfortunately they have been too slow to catch the mysterious Updog.Photo by Maria Dhilla According to several extensive …
New Dystopian Factions Emerge From Fanatical Vaccine Recipients
When asked about anti-vaxxers, both sides stated, “Do not speak to us of the heretics — the non-believers. Even a false god is better than none.”Photo …
UCSD Senior “Living in Hell,” Doing Everything Except Schoolwork
“The only thing I’m pro at is procrastination,” said Adani.Photo by Maria Dhilla As the summer approaches, UCSD seniors have shown a rise in therapy appointments and …
Local Man Claims Cereal Box Art Made Him a Furry
Fox says, “It’s not just a meal, mom.”Photo by Sharon Roth George Fox, a 21-year-old San Diegan and avid fan of breakfast cereal, claims that his love …
Area Man to Resume In-Person Conversation Mid-June
After the party, Kalebloomsky said, “The dude I was talking to wouldn’t leaf me alone.”Photo by Sharon Roth It has been announced that COVID-19 restrictions on local …
Local Senior Procrastinates Having Senioritis
Murphy reported that his nervous system was working just fine because he is “so nervous all time.”Photo by Sharon Roth During a recent intervention staged by his …
Wizards of the Coast Announces New D&D Book: The Curse of QAnon
“Thank God I don’t have to keep homebrewing this sort of thing,” commented one tired dungeon master.Photo by Jack Yang At an investor meeting yesterday, Wizards of …
