News
Raccoon Cult Offers UCSD Students Secure Housing
Some students claim to have witnessed a demonic possession, but it was just a case of rabies.Photo by Maria Dhilla With over 50,000 admitted students and a …
New Sticky Notes Sell Out After Gaining Massive Hype
One Typebeast said, “Damn, I sure hope this fad sticks.”Photo by Sharon Roth Ever since their launch in August, textured sticky notes have dominated the famously bloodthirsty …
LEGO US Releases Nation Building Sets, Parts Recalled for Injuring Future Generations
China has reportedly been buying the LEGO sets in large numbers, eager to get a sneak peek at US military designs.Photo by Maria Dhilla In what one …
UCSD to Give Out Commemorative Tents to Students as a Solution for the Housing Crisis
“As a Muir student, I’m really digging the return to nature. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss running water,” admitted Bartlett.Photo by …
Local Crypto-Entomologist Finds a Bug in His Code
“Cockroach, null pointer, stick bug, ladybug, stack overflow, rhinoceros beetle, moth, caterpillar, infinite recursion, worm, centipede, millipede. These are my favorite bugs, in order,” said Turing.Photo …
Impossible Foods to Release “Horrifyingly Realistic” Human Meat
“Impossible Flesh is great, but I kind of miss putting a real dude’s meat in my mouth,” remarked one customer.Photo by Jack Yang Following their successful reproductions …
Student Spends Four Years Studying Sugar Production, Finally Granulates
Kirby-Newkirk has been criticized for not double majoring in glucose and fructose, stopping him short of a disaccharide.Photo by Maria Dhilla After four years of painstaking theoretical …
Local MILF Willing to “Risk it All” for One Night of Dining Out at Rubio’s Coastal Grill
“We could go wherever you’d like: Rubio’s, Del Taco, Taco Bell, Third Base,” remarked Kooter.Photo by Sharon Roth Described by her stepson, Britchard, as having the “toned …
UCSD Professor Holds Office Hours Days After Exam, Considered for Position in CAPS
In the syllabus, Professor Weyting stated: “If these office hours don’t work for you, let’s meet never.”Photo by Jack Yang UCSD Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) has …
Environmentalist Worried After Interest Surges in New Cryptocurrency: KermitCoin
“I thought I was buying the dip,” said @TheOmniEagle, “but turns out it wasn’t easy being green.”Photo by Jack Yang From shopping to entertainment, digital technology has …
