News
Fraudulent Blacksmith Forges Sword
“It looks great in my hand but it sucks during warfare,” claimed Jean Dark. “Kind of a double-edged sword.”Photo by Sharon Roth The workshop of Trevor McLintosh …
La Jolla Family Rents Out Doghouse to UCSD Student Amidst Housing Crisis
“I like having the extra money,” said Mrs. MacInson. “But I no longer have a place to send my husband to when he messes around with …
Ben Platt Reveals His Secret to Staying Young
“Up next, I’m auditioning for the role of Annie,” said Ben Platt.Photo by Sharon Roth Actor Benjamin Plattypus, more commonly known as Ben Platt, has recently been …
UC Regents Evacuates UCSD, Raccoon Insurgency Rises to Power
“One man’s trash is another man’s missile defense system,” said Drake.Photo by Sharon Roth Uncertainty and fear struck the hearts of the UCSD community as UC Regents …
Online Proxy Warrior Stuck in Infinite Loop
“This guy is a moron,” said Pheer, responding to his own tweet.Photo by Yuri Bukhradze Kyle Pheer, an online proxy warrior, is reportedly stuck in an infinite …
Local Crypto-Entomologist Finds a Bug in His Code
“Cockroach, null pointer, stick bug, ladybug, stack overflow, rhinoceros beetle, moth, caterpillar, infinite recursion, worm, centipede, millipede. These are my favorite bugs, in order,” said Turing.Photo …
Agricultural Revolution Erupts from Horse Dewormer Shortage
“We are not horsing around,” claimed Susie McCue’s neighbor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Ivermectin and other horse-related medications have long been out of stock following claims made by …
UCSD Spam Quarantine Email Name to be Changed “Out of Respect” for Past Events
“Any student who mentions the email will be put in isolation for 40 days,” threatened Khosla.Photo by Robin Brewin This past Saturday, a private meeting to …
Local Gamer Releases Manifesto on Video Game Monetization
One commenter wrote, “They need to make the Minecraft boobs not square anymore.”Photo by Jack Yang Early last week, local San Diego gamer Huey D. Louie released …
UCSD Turns Class Selection Process Into a Gacha Game
“It’s like this thing is rigged so that I don’t get what I want,” complained one student.Photo by Jack Yang In an effort to make the class …
