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Wolftown Debuts New Locally Sourced Raccoon Bowl

Written by: George Nassar

“After eating this, the trash doesn’t look so bad,” claimed Nomick.Photo by Maria Dhilla Throngs of hungry undergraduates were greeted by a new sight on Wednesday at …

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On-Campus Housing Regresses to Phase Zero

Written by: Connor Betterly

“There’s a COVID detection system for outgoing water, but none for incoming water. Better safe than sorry!” said the Housing Director.Photo by Sharon Roth Yesterday morning, …

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Aides Refuse to Reveal Secret to Queen’s Long Life as 70th Year of Rule Approaches

Written by: James Woolley

The Church of England will now accept small children as tithe.Photo by Maria Dhilla As Queen Elizabeth II approaches her 70th year of rule, the Commonwealth …

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Psych Student Develops Cure for Déjà Vu

Written by: Everett Ririe

Rats treated with Don’tjà Vu were eight times more likely to double-check that the stove was off before leaving the cage.Photo by Robin Brewin Last month, Don’tjà …

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State of California Abolishes Legal Gender, Strictly Enforces Favorite Color Instead

Written by: Robin Brewin

“I just got my government-assigned color,” said Moore-Sherwin. “They said it’s green, but I’m feeling blue.”Photo by Robin Brewin The state of California has made strides …

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COVID-19 Positive Students to Isolate in Breakout Rooms

Written by: Elise Jonas-Delson

One student had to be further isolated after sending others in their breakout room a virus.Photo by Maria Dhilla UC San Diego students who test positive …

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TikTok Songs in Dining Halls Make Customers Prone to Involuntary Fits of Dancing

Written by: Elizabeth Overton

Since late September, reports of involuntary fits of dancing induced by TikTok songs being played on the radio in dining halls have come in at an …

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UCSD to Launch New Subscription Based Wifi Service

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

On Monday, UCSD announced the launch of a new wifi network that will be available to students that purchase a monthly subscription plan. Preorders for the …

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Wall Street Grows Tired of Betting Against the Livelihood of Working Class People, Begins Betting Against Working Class’s Lives Directly

Written by: Everett Ririe

Major Wall Street investors and mutual funds have recently begun a new trading strategy. Instead of investments in traditional businesses or commodities, many investors have traded …

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In Resolution of Third Strike, 64 Employees Receive Conciliatory Turkey

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

Photo by Sharon Roth In the spirit of Thanksgiving, HDH and striking 64 degrees employees finally reached a settlement last Thursday. Student employees have had mixed reactions, …