Local
World Renowned Chef Eats His Words
Tepids is reportedly in hot water over the comments he made.Photo by Robin Brewin Duncan Tepids, the “cream of the crop of rising chefs,” and “internet darling,” …
Developer Builds Houses That Come Pre-Haunted
“The previous tenants loved this house to death,” said Pierce.Photo by Maria Dhilla With current housing market trends causing strife for prospective home-owners and forcing poor, desperate …
Santa Claus Teams With Jeff Bezos, Can Finally “Watch Who’s Naughty and Who’s Nice”
Due to a global resource shortage, Santa and Bezos are considering employing naughty kids in coal mines.Photo by Maria Dhilla This holiday season, former Amazon CEO Jeff …
Injuries Sustained After Ice Rink’s New “No Skates Saturday” Deal
Photo by Jack Yang Tragedy struck last Saturday after Ricky’s Ice Skatin’ ice skating rink instituted its new “No Skates Saturday” event in an attempt to bring …
Movie Producer Approves Movie Adaptation of Its Novelization
“If you haven’t read the book and watched the movie, you’re not going to get this one,” claimed one fan.Photo by Sharon Roth In their newest press …
Girls With Crystals to Reignite the Salem Witch Trials
“Tarot cards? This is a taro latte,” said one of the “witches.”Photo by Sharon Roth Self-proclaimed “witches” are over fire after burning crosses, voodoo dolls, and other …
Local Goth Dancers Protest the Removal of Rave Bridge
“This sucks and my life feels like it has no meaning. Honestly, kind of a good day,” said protesting goth Bloodsoul Sadness.Photo by Robin Brewin A …
Students Move Into Empty Classrooms to Overcome the Housing Crisis
“I had a dream I went to class naked, and then I woke up, naked and in class,” said Lay.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD has recently begun …
U.S. Successfully Withdraws from Afghanistan: “The Pull- Out Method Wins Again”
“Reminds me of when I was in the cervix, I mean service,” recalls one veteran.Photo by Chiara Ng In a recent interview, former President George W. …
Disney Announces New LGBT Show, No Queer Characters Planned
One disgruntled viewer complained, “The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Mickey and Donald.”Photo by Yuri Bukhradze In the latest announcement of upcoming Disney+ content, the …
