Local
Injuries Sustained After Ice Rink’s New “No Skates Saturday” Deal
Photo by Jack Yang Tragedy struck last Saturday after Ricky’s Ice Skatin’ ice skating rink instituted its new “No Skates Saturday” event in an attempt to bring …
Movie Producer Approves Movie Adaptation of Its Novelization
“If you haven’t read the book and watched the movie, you’re not going to get this one,” claimed one fan.Photo by Sharon Roth In their newest press …
Girls With Crystals to Reignite the Salem Witch Trials
“Tarot cards? This is a taro latte,” said one of the “witches.”Photo by Sharon Roth Self-proclaimed “witches” are over fire after burning crosses, voodoo dolls, and other …
Students Move Into Empty Classrooms to Overcome the Housing Crisis
“I had a dream I went to class naked, and then I woke up, naked and in class,” said Lay.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD has recently begun …
U.S. Successfully Withdraws from Afghanistan: “The Pull- Out Method Wins Again”
“Reminds me of when I was in the cervix, I mean service,” recalls one veteran.Photo by Chiara Ng In a recent interview, former President George W. …
Disney Announces New LGBT Show, No Queer Characters Planned
One disgruntled viewer complained, “The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Mickey and Donald.”Photo by Yuri Bukhradze In the latest announcement of upcoming Disney+ content, the …
Local Goth Dancers Protest the Removal of Rave Bridge
“This sucks and my life feels like it has no meaning. Honestly, kind of a good day,” said protesting goth Bloodsoul Sadness.Photo by Robin Brewin A …
La Jolla Family Rents Out Doghouse to UCSD Student Amidst Housing Crisis
“I like having the extra money,” said Mrs. MacInson. “But I no longer have a place to send my husband to when he messes around with …
Ben Platt Reveals His Secret to Staying Young
“Up next, I’m auditioning for the role of Annie,” said Ben Platt.Photo by Sharon Roth Actor Benjamin Plattypus, more commonly known as Ben Platt, has recently been …
Agricultural Revolution Erupts from Horse Dewormer Shortage
“We are not horsing around,” claimed Susie McCue’s neighbor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Ivermectin and other horse-related medications have long been out of stock following claims made by …
