Local
Santa Claus Teams With Jeff Bezos, Can Finally “Watch Who’s Naughty and Who’s Nice”
Due to a global resource shortage, Santa and Bezos are considering employing naughty kids in coal mines.Photo by Maria Dhilla This holiday season, former Amazon CEO Jeff …
Movie Producer Approves Movie Adaptation of Its Novelization
“If you haven’t read the book and watched the movie, you’re not going to get this one,” claimed one fan.Photo by Sharon Roth In their newest press …
Girls With Crystals to Reignite the Salem Witch Trials
“Tarot cards? This is a taro latte,” said one of the “witches.”Photo by Sharon Roth Self-proclaimed “witches” are over fire after burning crosses, voodoo dolls, and other …
Disney Announces New LGBT Show, No Queer Characters Planned
One disgruntled viewer complained, “The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Mickey and Donald.”Photo by Yuri Bukhradze In the latest announcement of upcoming Disney+ content, the …
Local Goth Dancers Protest the Removal of Rave Bridge
“This sucks and my life feels like it has no meaning. Honestly, kind of a good day,” said protesting goth Bloodsoul Sadness.Photo by Robin Brewin A …
Students Move Into Empty Classrooms to Overcome the Housing Crisis
“I had a dream I went to class naked, and then I woke up, naked and in class,” said Lay.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD has recently begun …
U.S. Successfully Withdraws from Afghanistan: “The Pull- Out Method Wins Again”
“Reminds me of when I was in the cervix, I mean service,” recalls one veteran.Photo by Chiara Ng In a recent interview, former President George W. …
La Jolla Family Rents Out Doghouse to UCSD Student Amidst Housing Crisis
“I like having the extra money,” said Mrs. MacInson. “But I no longer have a place to send my husband to when he messes around with …
Ben Platt Reveals His Secret to Staying Young
“Up next, I’m auditioning for the role of Annie,” said Ben Platt.Photo by Sharon Roth Actor Benjamin Plattypus, more commonly known as Ben Platt, has recently been …
San Diego Vaccination Site Incentivizes Vaccine with Barrels of Funfetti Frosting
“Getting vaccinated sure is addicting,” said Schmobby. “I’m already on my third card.”Photo by Robin Brewin With COVID-19 cases and hospitalizations on the rise, local governments …
