Local
Area Men in “Stall Standoff” as Both Refuse to Poop Until the Other Leaves Restroom
After five days of awkward coughing, sneaker squeaking, and forced grunts, area men Chris Matthews and Matt Chrishews have stood their ground in what the locals …
Area Yuppie’s Parents Unable to Pay Bills or Convince Son to “Help out a Bit”
Charles Crosby and Abigail Johnson, parents of young urban professional Edward Crosby-Johnson, received their third late billing notice from Bethesda Naval Hospital on Thursday. Their inability …
Bystander-Performed Surgery Not Completely Fatal, Proves Non-Necessity of Healthcare
San Diego local Marc Lehman was reported as “still mostly alive” after suffering a severe car crash in early May. Lehman’s survival is being hailed by …
Area Mom Excited to See Son, Area Student Excited to See PlayStation 4
The school year is ending soon, and many parents are getting excited at the thought of their children coming back home. Area mom Caitlyn Lettie is …
Area Woman “Woulda, Coulda, but Definitely Shouldn’tva”
Local woman Vanessa Mræl intended to perform an action, had the capacity to perform that action, but decided judiciously that performing such an action was a …
Area Woman Petitions for Overseas Siblings to Become U.S. Citizens, Excited to Reunite in Two Decades
San Diego resident Minda Bennett recently completed the process for petitioning her two older siblings, Jose and Mellie Edualino, to join her in the U.S. Given …
Local Father Just Trying to Balance White Collar Crime, Being There for Son
Local single father Robert “Bob” Barron, senior financial advisor at A/B Investments, confided to a friend last week over lunch that he was struggling to handle …
Local Recruiter Finds Straight White Candidate “Just More Approachable”
Christian Witten, the managing director of New Breath Consultants, announced Monday that they’ve hired a new creative liaison, Daisy Mitchell, who they are certain will “fit …
Area Man Asked to Watch Area Woman’s Stuff, Leaves
Intensely clutching a backpack to her chest, area student Angie Coronado seemed to be in a state of distress while telling reporters that last Friday that …
Area Man Excited to M.C. This Year’s Geometry Convention
The 2017 Convention of Geometry Enthusiasts will have its main festivities hosted by Area Man, a popular children’s educator who specializes in teaching how to define …
