“TIME” Names “Tasty” Videos as Person of the Year, Called “The Voice of a Generation”

Written by: Sage Cristal

When asked for comment upon receiving the award, “Tasty” editors responded, “Boil for five minutes, or until fully cooked.”
Photo by: Daniel Clinton

Last Wednesday, “TIME” Magazine named Buzzfeed’s “Tasty” page as “Person of the Year,” two months before “TIME” typically announces their winner.

“Every year, we bestow the honor of Person of the Year upon a person, group, idea, or object that, for better or for worse, has done the most to influence the events of the year,” said Flaviano Binyamin, the Managing Editor of “TIME.” “And needless to say, the ‘TIME’ Person of 2017 has not only left a lasting mark on the youth of the world, but also taught the world how to make the best pull-apart stuffed pasta! And Holy Mackerel! Did you see the ‘Tasty’ video about grilling the most heavenly smoked salmon? And Gee Whiz, that video on processed cheese just about made me curdle! Er … I mean giggle.”

“Tasty,” a social media account created by Buzzfeed, is well known in the world of culinary mastery. Although “Tasty” videos appear to be rudimentary in nature, the ease and finesse that they employ in their recipes is difficult to come by when using exclusively cookbooks. “Frankly I’m appalled that a social media presence beat out other well-deserving recipients of Person of the Year. But since it’s already been decided, I’ll admit they have a pretty good recipe for microwavable souffles,” commented Anthony Bourdain, a world-renowned chef, author, and television personality.

Although “Tasty” made the cover of “TIME” Magazine’s latest issue, the competition was fierce, and the runner-up was not far behind in the vote count. The online poll on the “TIME” website revealed that professional tennis player Serena Williams, who won a match while pregnant, came only 600 votes behind “Tasty,” and the second runner up, accomplished actress Viola Davis, was only 200 votes behind Williams.

“The ‘TIME’ Person of the Year Award really strips the country of its veil, and shows us what direction the world is … God I can’t stop thinking about that “Tasty” video, Five Different Ways to Make the Most Scrumptious Chicken Strips,” Binyamin continued. “I almost clammed up when I found out ‘Tasty’ won. No one has a better recipe for revolutionized seafood than those guys.”

Despite the words of praise being echoed by “TIME” employees, many female participants who voted in the contest believe that “Tasty” winning was a jab at women. Gigi Neas, a women’s rights activist, told reporters on Thursday, “Since 1927 when ‘TIME’ created the Person of the Year Award, there have only been four women who have held the title and the cover by themselves. It is absolutely appalling that a publication like ‘TIME’ would give the award to a series of recipe videos instead of female athletes, politicians, actresses, and innovators in these trying times.”

Binyamin responded to Neas’ comments on Friday. “This has nothing to do with gender roles. It’s the ‘Tasty’ video about Spicy BBQ Pizza Rolls that really won them the vote,” Binyamin asserted. “At this point, Neas and other protesters are just crying over spilt milk. And I would know, because I did the same thing while I was trying to duplicate their ‘Sweetest Cheesecake In Existence’ and I dropped my ingredients.”

Binyamin declined to comment on the potential of specific candidates for the 2018 Person of the Year, but instead offered, “I think that having ‘Tasty’ win has really moved this contest into the 21st century. Who knows who will win next year? I could see the Food Network taking the cake next year, or maybe the team at Blue Apron could establish a winning steak … or streak.”

Representatives of Buzzfeed’s “Tasty” page had no comments on next year’s potential candidates, but have released a statement thanking TIME for the award, acknowledging the many accomplishments of the other nominees, and advising its audience to stay tuned for “The Moistest Celebratory Cake in History,” their most recent video.”

Fairy Godmother at The MQ

Sage Cristal is the woman of your dreams. She sings, she dances, and has a WWE Championship Replica Title Belt. She is currently training to be the next American Ninja Warrior.

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