Local
Coastal Ecosystem Devastated After Gender-Reveal Oil Spill
BP has recently defended the Deepwater Horizon spill, calling it “ahead of its time.”Photo by Jack Yang Several miles of coastal wetland in the San Diego area …
Local Chef Opens Dessert Chain, OnlyFlans
One dissenter said, “Who would go all the way to a store to get desserts? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for …
Instagram Influencer Predicts the Future by Reading Makeup Smears on Face Masks
“The spirits are telling me you haven’t been following me on Instagram. Would you like my handle?” asked Welch.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In the age of Instagram …
Molecular Gastronomist Sticks “This Machine Kills Fascists” Sticker on Nitro Foam Maker
“This dish is pretty conceptual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t understand it on the first taste,” said Tenshuss.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local Restaurateur Pete …
Spider Ready to Make Giant Web in Your Living Room Disappointed Your Family Didn’t Go on Vacation This Summer
“Uh … let me be clear,” said Barachnid Obama, “We need to get this family out.”Photo by Jack Yang Local spider Barachnid Obama, in a recent “Charlotte’s …
Florida Man Goes Inside for the First Time in Months
When asked about his pet alligator, Florida Man remarked, “Gator? I hardly know her!”Photo by Andrew Sitko The subject of many reporters’ interest and psychologists’ bafflement, Florida …
Ringing In Area Woman’s Ears Found to be Tinnitus, not Klaxons Signaling the End of Days
The doctor asked whether payment through mail was okay, to which Jiao responded, “Nothing gets through my chainmail.”Photo by Jack Yang Area woman Sabrina Jiao was shocked …
Local Child Convinces Conservative Mother to Purchase Doom Eternal
Anderson later claimed that many of the Bible’s tragedies were times God forgot to quicksave.Photo by Jay Noonan Jeffrey Anderson, a 10-year-old resident of Del Mar, has …
WAPT Helicopter (Wet Ass Portable Tank) Quenches California’s Raging Fires
WAPT was projected to be slightly more effective than a bucket and a mop.Photo by Sharon Roth A new hero with a peculiar name has emerged from …
Student Fed Up With Quarantine Aiming for 2021 Olympic Team
“When I heard that my friend’s roommate was riposting her art, I thought it was just a social media thing. That was, until I saw the …
