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Coastal Ecosystem Devastated After Gender-Reveal Oil Spill

Written by: Jack Yang

BP has recently defended the Deepwater Horizon spill, calling it “ahead of its time.”Photo by Jack Yang Several miles of coastal wetland in the San Diego area …

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Local Chef Opens Dessert Chain, OnlyFlans

Written by: Sharon Roth

One dissenter said, “Who would go all the way to a store to get desserts? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for …

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Instagram Influencer Predicts the Future by Reading Makeup Smears on Face Masks

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“The spirits are telling me you haven’t been following me on Instagram. Would you like my handle?” asked Welch.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In the age of Instagram …

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Molecular Gastronomist Sticks “This Machine Kills Fascists” Sticker on Nitro Foam Maker

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

“This dish is pretty conceptual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t understand it on the first taste,” said Tenshuss.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local Restaurateur Pete …

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Local Woman’s Cystic Acne “Actually Says Something Really Nice” in Braille

Written by: Megan Cox

“It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever spelled out on their face for me,” said Funke. Photo by Jack Yang UC San Diego Freshman Ruby Stone has recently …

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Area Man Screams “Eat the Rich” From His Maserati

Written by: Bri Arce

Cist later stated, “I’m an everyman. I’m paying off my $200,000 car month by month just like everyone else.”Photo by Sharon Roth Midday Tuesday, a male student …

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“Men Are Just Funnier,” Claims Man After Saying a Woman’s Joke, But Louder

Written by: Megan Cox

When asked where he gets his material, Ackerson said, “I dunno, it just kinda comes to me.”Photo by Jack Yang A workspace dispute escalated at a local …

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Spider Ready to Make Giant Web in Your Living Room Disappointed Your Family Didn’t Go on Vacation This Summer

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

“Uh … let me be clear,” said Barachnid Obama, “We need to get this family out.”Photo by Jack Yang Local spider Barachnid Obama, in a recent “Charlotte’s …

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Florida Man Goes Inside for the First Time in Months

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

When asked about his pet alligator, Florida Man remarked, “Gator? I hardly know her!”Photo by Andrew Sitko The subject of many reporters’ interest and psychologists’ bafflement, Florida …

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Ringing In Area Woman’s Ears Found to be Tinnitus, not Klaxons Signaling the End of Days

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

The doctor asked whether payment through mail was okay, to which Jiao responded, “Nothing gets through my chainmail.”Photo by Jack Yang Area woman Sabrina Jiao was shocked …