Volume 32
Young Republicans ‘Definitely Not’ Nazis
Erien Smith, a spokesperson for the Young Republican National Federation (YR) spoke at a press conference to “clear the air” about the “unfortunate incident that occurred …
Jacobs Schools of Engineering Divorce
After the Irwin Jacobs School of Engineering received private funding, the Joan Jacobs School of Engineering, which only accepts state and federal funding, has decided to …
UCSD Updates Pet Policy to Include Domesticated Mold
Last Friday, UC San Diego Housing, Dining and Hospitality (HDH) announced that they will update their pet policy to include domesticated mold. This decision comes after …
UCSD Adds Mandatory Class
On Thursday, the Trump Administration granted the UC system $500 million in federal funds after it agreed to mandate all students take “Thought Equality 1: An …
Spirit Halloween Suspends Sales of ‘Sexy’ Costumes
On October 23rd, Halloween giant Spirit Halloween announced on their website that they would pause sales of “sexy costumes” until 2027, as they had “run out …
NPS to Launch “Politicians in Parks” Program
Despite budget cuts, mass layoffs, and government shutdown, the National Parks Service recently announced the creation of a new “Politicians in Parks” program. This program aims …
UCSD Declares War Against SDSU
Citing a need to “drum up school spirit,” UC San Diego’s Chancellor Khosla has officially declared war against San Diego State University, with his official casus …
Rapture Indefinitely Postponed After God Reviews Guest List
“But I wanted uppies!” said one Christian father.Photo by Ezra Bihis In a move that sent panic throughout evangelical communities in the United States, God announced …
Aircrafts to Only Fly at ‘Worst Possible Time’
“INAUDABLE,” said Andrew Jeong.Photo by Ariel Chen In a “historic” effort, both UC San Diego and the 3rd Air Wing of the United States Marine Corps, …
Insurance Companies Implement New ‘Arcanic’ System
“The witch said my cancer was ‘meant for me’?” said one UnitedHealth Group User.Photo by Ezra Bihis Responding to mass complaints about alleged A.I. use in …
