June 3, 2026 You look delectable. Volume XXXII Issue VII

Top Ten Ways to Get to a Date the Traditional Way

Top Ten

Written by: The MQ

November 26, 2025

  1. Love bomb
  2. Buy one at the fruit store
  3. Have a nosy relative set you up
  4. Ask your best friend out repeatedly
  5. Spread your pheromones throughout the city
  6. Recurrently place yourself in rom-com scenarios
  7. Play Magic: The Gathering while wearing deodorant
  8. Casually mention your handsome dowry
  9. Tell her you love her like a sister
  10. Be hot
The MQ

The premier satire publication at UC San Diego.

Last modified: December 7, 2025