“The true meaning of Christmas is now beating the shit out you people,” said Grinch.
Photo by Amit Roth
After nearly seven years away from the public eye, Ethan Toothstain Grinch, or The Grinch, as he is more commonly known, was arrested this past weekend for disorderly conduct and fighting words.
In a scene that reportedly “shocked” the residents of Whoville, Wisconsin, Grinch was seen shouting expletives at citizens at the Whoville Town Center (WTC). According to a video that was recorded and later posted to TikTok, Grinch was screaming at customers passing WTC’s annual Santa impersonator, saying, “How are all of you just walking by Santa sitting right there?! Where’s the Christmas spirit?!” Grinch then dropped to his knees and wailed, ripping his shirt open and displaying to various passers-by his “big green hairy chest.”
“Look what you did to me!” he exclaimed. “My heart was forced to grow three times its original size because of you people! It almost killed me, damn it!
“You told me I needed to change my ways and find happiness in Christmas from your community, but look at all of you! Buying doohickies and gadgets, talking shit on your phones about family members you have to see. What was this all for?!”
In initial reports, the police claimed that Grinch evaded law enforcement by disappearing within the bushes behind the Walmart on Opportunity Street. After repeated 911 calls about a “green hairy dude” harassing WTC customers, however, authorities were able to detain Grinch.
During a press conference following his arrest, Grinch continued to hurl insults at reporters. When asked how he was doing in prison, Grinch reportedly responded, “Well, what the fuck do you think, genius?” while presenting his handcuffed hands to the public. Another reporter asked Grinch if he had any regrets, to which Grinch replied, “I honestly have no regrets. If anything, I wish I added battery to my list of charges.”
Online users have mixed responses. Some individuals expressed sympathy for Grinch, highlighting how his “pain is valid,” and he “gave up so much for Christmas only for us to take it for granted.” Another group was much less sympathetic, claiming the act was “stupid.”
@ r e a l _ m o o _ w h o Xeeted, “Oh commmme ooooonnn, cut the crap with the sob story here @mr-grinch. Times have changed grandpa, no one’s singing O Holy Night and volunteering at the soup kitchen for christmas. Sorry you felt the need to grow your heart or something and learn about the ‘Christmas spirit,’ but I got 3 kids at home pissin’ me off and askin for shit above my paygrade pal. I’ll have a merry Christmas once I get my tax break.” The online debate grew to national prominence as users outside of Wisconsin joined in, with key political figures beginning to share their stances on the situation.
“I think what Mr. Grinch is — and forgive my language — ‘pissed’ about reflects a deeper issue in our American society,” began author and former Vice President Kamala Harris. “We have lost our capacity to be in community with one another. Instead, we have scrooges in the White House promoting hatred. I applaud you, Mr. Grinch, for your vulnerability this season.”
Grinch stood on trial this Tuesday and was sentenced to six months in prison by Judge Yertle Turtle. While leaving the courtroom, an “enraged” Grinch made one last statement to the public: “Years ago, the kindness of your people made my heart grow three sizes. Today, your callousness has shrunk my heart ten sizes. I hate you all. See you in hell.”
Destiney is an enigma, downright gaseous if you will. A being of many words, but little thought. You may find them listening to Sabrina Carpenter or spacing out in very unfortunate places. Know that they perceive you and they are only a little bit concerned that you dislike them.
