“What does the use of the space bar say about the author’s intentions?” asked one professor.
Photo by Amit Roth
Multiple UC San Diego writing programs announced that they will be completely rehauling their curriculum to fit a new standard of learning. During a press conference discussing the new changes, Director of the Muir College Writing Program, Dr. David Faulkner, expressed that the changes were “necessary to ensure future cohorts are prepared for UCSD.” The affected colleges include Muir, Marshall, Sixth, Seventh, and Warren, with curriculum being developed for incoming Eighth college students as well.
Faulkner and his colleagues explained the new curriculum, emphasizing a focus on an inventive style of writing called “metamorphisation”. The new school of writing puts less emphasis on analysis, and more emphasis on “really getting to know the text,” by “students becoming the authors [themselves].” The goal of metamorphisation is for students to prove their understanding of the assigned texts by completely rewriting them in their own words.
“It’s not that simple,” Bell Woolf, Director of Marshall College’s Dimensions of Culture program explained. “We don’t want students to just plagiarize what the authors are saying. We want them to find the deeper meanings and underlying themes related to the readings, then rewrite them.”
The writing program directors are currently in the process of developing a textbook outlining each aspect of metamorphisation. The textbook, projected to be at least 1000 pages long, currently only has 100 pages completed. During the press conference, the directors previewed the main components of metamorphisation: topic sentence, evidence, interpretation, synthesis, analysis, and finally emulation. They explained the courses will be organized based on each of these key tenets of metamorphisation, with a total of nine 30-page essays expected to be published by the end of the quarter. “We think this is reasonable,” Dr. Faulkner exclaimed.
Students in attendance were reportedly “stunned” when the directors explained the different expectations for the essays. Third year political science major, Diana Francisco, viewed the changes as “ridiculous,” saying, “I took MCWP a year ago and I thought the curriculum was just fine. I just don’t understand why the changes are necessary.”
Another student, Richard Caruso, a fourth year math major, showed excitement for the changes. “Hey man, I’m honestly just happy other people will be feeling my pain. If I had to deal with HUM, all you other fake and stupid colleges can deal with ‘Metamorphosis’, or whatever Kafka shit they’re on about.”
Frustration among students increased after an email correspondence between the writing program directors was leaked to the public. In the thread, multiple directors shared they were “sick” of the influx of applicants choosing their colleges because their programs are “too easy.” One director even expressed it was “unfair that students think we offer classes that are reasonable and easy to pass. Why does AWP get all the credit for making students fail out of the university?”
When asked to comment on the emails, the directors defended their position. “I know everyone is mad at us,” Faulkner began, “but honestly, we don’t care. We gotta prove this university is rigorous one way or the other, and if you got [sic] a problem, then you’re just helping us reach our quota.” Faulkner declined to elaborate on what quota he was referring to.
Despite the controversy, UCSD announced the changes would be implemented in the upcoming Winter Quarter. The university congratulated the effort Dr. Faulkner put into restoring academic expectations to a “Nobel laureate level” and named him head of all university writing programs.
Destiney is an enigma, downright gaseous if you will. A being of many words, but little thought. You may find them listening to Sabrina Carpenter or spacing out in very unfortunate places. Know that they perceive you and they are only a little bit concerned that you dislike them.
