Volume 29 Issue 5
Next-Gen Game’s $70 Price Tag Effective at Raising Executive’s Bank Balance
“They said we couldn’t make video games that cost $70, but the yolk’s on them,” said Edwin.Photo by Amit Roth Since the release of the PlayStation …
People These Days Don’t Know How Hard It Is to Be an Immortal Wizard
Wizards of San Diego, I come to you all with the most horrible problem I have ever faced in my short 200 years of existence. I …
Goodyear Blimp Grounded Indefinitely
Photo by Amit Roth Throughout the month of February, several balloons flying over North America were shot down by U.S. fighter pilots. Following these incidents, Goodyear …
Elephant Evades Poachers
He just Ducks
Pepsi Carbonates Ocean in Attempt to Go Carbon Neutral
“I thought Pepsi’s carbonation initiative would taste better,” said one customer. “I’m still a bit salty about it.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Pepsi has begun carbonating the …
Farmer’s Produce Runs Away
He doesn’t carrot all
UCSD Chemists Abandon IUPAC in Favor of “Making Shit Up”
“I’m pretty sure someone labeled the heavy water as regular water,” remarked one slightly heavier lab student.Photo by Millie You After two afternoons of deliberations, the …
Mother Traps Baby Under Bar to Break Deadlift Record
“I think powerlifting competitions should ban PEBs,” said Hafþór Björnsson. “Performance enhancing babies detract from the clean nature of the sport.”Photo by Connor Betterly On March …
