Volume 29 Issue 4
Doctoral Student Submits Thesis, Promises to Have Time for Other Things Now
Local student Philomena Doctersen finally submitted their thesis last Tuesday, which was met with equal celebration and surprise by friends and family. Dr. Fahrt, their thesis …
Health Influencer Launches Brand of Mercury Supplements
“Not only is this mercury great for my health, I also love the way it settles in my stomach!” exclaimed one customer.Photo by Sharon Roth Instagram …
California Storm Drain Systems Augmented with Parched Clowns
“I’m really glad the government started taking the flooding seriously and stopped clowning around,” said Quin.Photo by Amit Roth As California braced itself for a torrent …
This Year’s Super Bowl Ads Were the Worst Yet vs. Try the All-New Flavor Bomb in Your Ford F950!
Point: This Year’s Super Bowl Ads Were the Worst Yet Every year, on a beautiful winter day, my family gathers for a day of festivities. A …
Avatar: The Way of Water to Be Re-Released in 192 One-Minute Segments on YouTube Shorts
“I can’t understand the plot because part 36 was removed for copyright,” lamented one viewer.Photo by Connor Betterly James Cameron announced plans to re-release his latest …
Horoscopes for February 8, 2023
Aquarius – Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 Happy Aquarius season! This month, your power-ups include finding pennies on the ground, never pulling a muscle at the …
Student Debt Relief to Be Distributed via Ticketmaster Verified Fan Presale
“2,000th in line? I know this pain all too well!” stated one fan.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, the U.S. Department of Education revealed that student …
Physicists Run Out of Greek Letters
“I don’t get all this fuss. I thought one of the Greek letters was already nu,” said one physics student.Photo by Julia Wong A recent announcement …
