Volume 27
Dr. Fauci Equips Arm-Mounted Syringe Cannon, Intends to Distribute Vaccines “Whether Americans Like It or Not”
An eyewitness was heard saying, “I’ve never vac-seen a sexier person.”Photo by Jack Yang Last Thursday in Bethesda, Maryland, during the quiet hours before the morning traffic …
Florida Governor Passes “Frenchifying” Mandate to Boost European Tourism
The water skier was reportedly heard saying, “Ouiiiii!”Photo by Sharon Roth Many Florida residents are outraged by a new mandate passed by Governor Jean-Claude Bernard requiring all …
Chargers Coach “Finally” Figures Out How to Not Lose Close Games
Chargers Coach “Finally” Figures Out How to Not Lose Close Games After years of having the worst record in the NFL in one-score games, including multiple …
UC San Diego to Convert Lecture Halls to Outdoor Classrooms by Removing Ceilings
This is part of the university’s initiative to push students to reach for the stars.Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced a bold …
The Elusive “Jack” Referred to by Joe Biden Finally Breaks His Silence
The Elusive “Jack” Referred to by Joe Biden Finally Breaks His Silence According to the latest reports from the CIA, the ubiquitous “Jack” commonly referred to …
Election Results Uncertain, US to be Returned to the United Kingdom
Paul Revere forgot to bring the mini sandwiches to the Boston Tea Party.Photo by Jack Yang The British Parliament, responding to claims of election fraud within the …
Local Phantom Kicked Out of Opera for Ineffective Mask
Local Phantom Kicked Out of Opera for Ineffective Mask A regular guest of the Paris Opera House known as “The Phantom of the Opera” was recently …
Mall Santa “a Little Too Eager” To Let Kid Sit On His Lap
Jones reportedly signed a non-disclosure agreement with a statute of limitations claus.Photo by Jack Yang Public suspicion has been rising surrounding Heritage Plaza Mall Santa Carl Jones, …
Buddy the Elf Passes Bathroom Singing Bill
Buddy the Elf Passes Bathroom Singing Bill December 3 marked the passing of the Singing Rights Bill in the Senate. The bill, proposed by North Pole …
Christmas Cancelled After Unmitigated Spread of COVID-19 in Santa’s Workshop
Santa was heard saying, “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Coughy, on Wheezy! On Comet, and Cupid, Fatigue, and Diseasey!”Photo by Sharon Roth As the end of the …
