Local Phantom Kicked Out of Opera for Ineffective Mask
A regular guest of the Paris Opera House known as “The Phantom of the Opera” was recently kicked out of a performance of “Hannibal” for not following mask regulations. The Phantom did wear a mask, but it reportedly only covered half of his face and left his mouth completely exposed. He was noticed when he interrupted the show to hex the lead singer and hang a stagehand in front of the audience.
“I’m worried for my safety with people like him trouncing around,” says one patron of the opera. “I mean it looked like his mask deliberately avoided covering his mouth. I think I even saw nostril holes! Someone should tell him that masks aren’t just fun costumes.”
Christine Daae, an actress in the production, was the only person present who claimed to know The Phantom. “Once, he led me to a really dark, scary underground portion of the opera house that I didn’t know existed. We had a whole moment, and I sang some super, super high notes. It was so much fun, I think everyone deserves to unload and just live a little like that these days. But don’t worry, we socially distanced before and after the dramatic embrace.”
Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.
MASKS ARE A SCAM COVID CAN BE CURED BY SHAKING YOUR HEAD VERY VIGOROUSLY TO REJECT THE VIRUS PARTICLES FROM GOING INTO YOUR NOSE TRUST ME I HAVENT COUGHED IN 2 HOURS IT WORKS