Volume 26
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand Goop has recently revealed a new series of vitamin supplements. The collection is …
Area Child Reportedly “Just Turned Five”
“It won’t be long now until Jeffrey is fully grown,” said one family member.Photo by Jay Noonan Area child Jeffrey Chao has just turned five years old. …
Local Student Prophesizes “Total Apocalypse” if Regents Switch to Semester System
Kovalenko reportedly has lost “ample amounts of money” because he insists on paying cash but refuses to accept change.Photo by Sharon Roth In a public statement, …
Animal Crossing: New Horizons to Include Gentrification
Isabelle also offers the option of forcing villagers to stop speaking their dialect of Animalese if the player deems it “unprofessional.”Photo by Dan Kaliblotzky Nintendo has …
Kratt Brothers to Reboot “Zoboomafoo” Using Original Actors
Kratt Brothers to Reboot “Zoboomafoo” Using Original Actors PBS has announced the return of “Zoboomafoo” with new episodes and an updated content style to appeal to …
Area Student Claims He Woke Up as a Pokemon
Area Student Claims He Woke Up as a Pokemon Last week, local student Daniel Mennow purchased the latest Pokemon video game Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team …
Anatomy of the Apathetic
Do you hate how some people care so little about politics? Do you interact with people who “just can’t even” with everything in life? After extensive research, we’ve narrowed down the specifics of what makes up an apathetic person. Take a look, if you care.
Man From Bay Area Has Inexplicable Southern Accent; Experts Perplexed
Man From Bay Area Has Inexplicable Southern Accent; Experts Perplexed A man from the Bay Area has caused mass confusion due to his inexplicable Southern accent. …
Burger King Announces New Snakey Shakey to compete with McDonald’s Shamrock Shake
Burger King announced that every Kid’s Shake will come with a free rattle.Photo by Sharon Roth In a new step towards commercializing holidays across the calendar, Burger …
