Volume 26
Area Child Reportedly “Just Turned Five”
“It won’t be long now until Jeffrey is fully grown,” said one family member.Photo by Jay Noonan Area child Jeffrey Chao has just turned five years old. …
Local Student Prophesizes “Total Apocalypse” if Regents Switch to Semester System
Kovalenko reportedly has lost “ample amounts of money” because he insists on paying cash but refuses to accept change.Photo by Sharon Roth In a public statement, …
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand Goop has recently revealed a new series of vitamin supplements. The collection is …
Animal Crossing: New Horizons to Include Gentrification
Isabelle also offers the option of forcing villagers to stop speaking their dialect of Animalese if the player deems it “unprofessional.”Photo by Dan Kaliblotzky Nintendo has …
Top Ten Failed Broadway Musicals
Top Ten Failed Broadway Musicals The Phantom of the Rave Daddy Mia! Sweeney Todd: The Barber That Gave a White Girl Cornrows Annie Get Your Senator …
We Don’t Need Seven More Colleges vs. But If We Have 13, Sun God Can Finally Ascend to His True Form
Point: We Don’t Need Seven More Colleges UCSD is a big school. Plopped on the cliffs of La Jolla, the top research university has an undergraduate …
Local STEM School Reforms Anti-Bullying Policy to Focus on Nerd Perpetrators
“They make fun of me because I can’t prove Fermat’s Last Theorem,” said Toyle.Photo by Jay Noonan In an attempt to curb bullying tendencies, an elite STEM …
New Study Finds Lost Keys, Scientist Appalled at His Own Creation
West says the next big step is finding where he last parked his car.Photo by Jack Yang R ecently it was announced UCSD can now boast about …
Gamers Encouraged to Vote with “Primary Ballot Any-Percent” Speedruns
Counting issues were later reported due to people clipping through the wrong parts of the ballot.Photo by Jack Yang With voter turnout expected to be extremely high …
