Volume 26
Promiscuous Frat Boy Misinterprets Title of “Halloweenie” Cookout
The fraternity reportedly had to cancel their upcoming hot dog fest due to this incident.Photo by Jack Yang First-year Austin Smang was arrested at the University …
Headless Horseman Accepted into UCSD, Considered “Perfect Fit” for Campus
The Headless Horseman reportedly felt stress at one point in his life, but “just got over it.”Photo by Jack Yang In a move one anonymous source …
College Student Joins 57 Student Organizations for Free Food, Shocked to Discover They Have Commitments
Mann was reportedly confused when the Prelaw Society asked her when she was coming for mock debates.Photo by Jack Yang Incoming first year at UC San Diego, …
UCSD Wi-Fi Found To Be Powered by a Naked Mole Rat
Upon hearing the news, a faculty member from the biology department said, “Oh, so that’s where they go.”Photo by Jack Yang The cause of recent internet …
Manly Flavors Offered for New Male Birth Control
Unlike women’s birth control, this can be purchased over the counter, and at lower prices.Photo by Sharon Roth In an effort to make hormonal birth control options …
Student Pissed-Off That God Gives Meaning of Life Instead of Helping Pass Final
“Fuck God and morality, I just need that A,” said Manson.Photo by Jack Yang Kenneth Manson, formerly an atheist, has recently declared his “hatred for God.” Manson’s …
Local Student Outraged That Nobody Cares He is TikTok Famous
After the incident, Adamec received an endorsement offer from IHOP.Photo by Jade Coniglio There was an incident at the La Jolla Denny’s last Friday when servers …
Man Only Wears Designer “Supreme” Streetwear After Near-God Experience
In response to Lee’s new perspective on life, God said, “Let your wallet be light.”Photo by Sharon Roth Second-year UCSD student Joseph Lee has gained notoriety …
UCSD and MTS to Introduce A, B, S, & D Transit Passes
“I thought San Diego had a really good public transit system, but they really just threw us under the bus,” shared a student.Photo by Jay Noonan …
UCSD Student in DEI Lecture Looks Forward to Making Casually Racist Comment
Magdalin “immediately regretted” making attendance mandatory.Photo by Jack Yang Early this morning a group of UCSD students contacted university officials with concerns that a fellow classmate …
