Volume 25 Issue 7
Area Woman Named Summer Prepared for Three Months of Dad Jokes
Area Woman Named Summer Prepared for Three Months of Dad Jokes Local graduating UCSD senior Summer Irvine is reportedly preparing for a new season of jokes …
RNC to Propose Monthly Virginity Tests for Women
McDaniel told reporters, “It takes a village to raise a child, and luckily my uterus is owned by our great village of the US of A!”Photo …
Area Man Eagerly Awaits New Album From Retired Band
Area Man Eagerly Awaits New Album From Retired Band San Diego local Alex Peartlee has expressed excitement for the next studio album by the Canadian rock …
Bernie Sanders Expected to be Crucified and Resurrected in First Democratic Primary Debate
After three days, polling showed that Bernie Sanders’ popularity rose again.Photo by Jessica Ma As the first Democratic primary debate of the 2020 election season approaches, …
Sigma Chi Throws Party on Sinking Ship
Sigma Chi Throws Party on Sinking Ship Despite an inspection that revealed that the hull is rapidly filling with water, the Iota Chi chapter of Sigma …
Graduating Pre-Law Student Ready to Become Written into Law; No Longer Just a Bill on Capitol Hill
“What happens if I get vetoed? Do I die?” asked Brakelian when she was told she didn’t have the approval of President Trump. Photo by Jack …
Grocery Store Shut Down Due to Unsolicited Hand Holding Incident
Crass was later charged with destruction of evidence for washing his hands.Photo by Jack Yang “Smarts,” a local grocery store located in Youngtown, Arizona, has shut …
Starbucks Announces New Summer Frappuccinos To Retain Customers
One customer ordered their Cheeseburger Frappuccino with “no pickles, light whip.”Photo by: Stephen Lightfoot With summer approaching, the number of social media posts from millennials are …
Area Man Holds Unique Opinion on Abortion That Deserves to be Heard
“I even had to explain to the women what ‘man-splaining’ was,” said “Women’s Advocate” Charlie Miller. Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In response to the recent debate …
Top Ten Similarities Between Getting a Tattoo in a Kitchen and Getting a Hickey in Your Childhood Bedroom
Similarities Between Getting a Tattoo in a Kitchen and Getting a Hickey in Your Childhood Bedroom You gave them both to yourself You thought you’d have …
