Volume 24 Issue 7

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

EDITORIAL: The U.S. Abandoned the White Working Class, Now Two Government Goons Are Gonna Raid My Homestead

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The upstanding, white, rural, patriotic, liberty-lovin’, hippie-hatin’, community has been left behind. Neglected. Taken for granted. How do you “Snapchat fiends” say it? Ghosted. I’m no …

ArticlesCampusNews

Jacobs School of Engineering to Open New Social Engineering Major

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The prestigious Jacobs School of Engineering at the University of California, San Diego announced this week that it will open up a brand new Bachelor of …

ArticlesLocalNews

Gaping Hole in Area Woman’s Fishnets Threatens to Expand to Her Butt Crack

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Last Thursday night, local news vans crowded around the perimeter of Athena Minral’s apartment after a rumor centered on the current structural integrity of her leg-wear. …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

High School History Teacher Imprisoned for Violating Second Amendment

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A Florida instructor is the first person in the nation to be detained for violating the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. Following a suggestion by …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

New Artificially Intelligent Chairs Develop Strong Opinions on Politics

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This month, the tech company “Chairish.” has come out with a leap in artificial intelligence technology. Designed for the typical American family, Chairish.’s new dining room …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Point/Counter Point: I Found a Typewriter and Now I’m an Esteemed Author/Please Stop Breaking Into My House

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POINT: I Found a Typewriter and Now I’m an Esteemed Author It has been several days since rediscovering a grande typewriter, and I have revitalized my desire …

ArticlesNewsPoliticsTech

Social Media Companies Fix Fake News Problem, Nothing Changes

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After being alerted to the issue of false stories spread online, companies like Twitter, YouTube, and Facebook systematically purged all publishers of fake news from their …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Student Literally Couch Surfing To Avoid Rent

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Police were confused last Sunday when they investigated what appeared to be a landmass constructed of old couches tied together and tethered to a pier. When …

ArticlesNews

2019 Met Gala Theme Leaked: “Veganism”

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According to an insider tip, the Met Gala theme for 2019 is already in the works, with many well-known celebrities preparing in advance. Considering this year’s …

ArticlesNewsTech

Elon Musk To Build Massive Space Gun, End Homelessness

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In a press conference today, CEO and philanthropist Elon Musk announced two new business projects in the defense and public service industry. Though some speculated the …