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One Dead and Three Injured in Emotionally-Charged Car Ride
“It was a bloodbath, emotionally speaking,” confided Orin Euphrate. “Technically no one died. It was more of a spiritual death than anything, with Constance being immediately …
Top Ten Things We Learned Not to Talk About at Parties
10. The improv routine that we’ve been practicing9. The types of animals we could beat in hand-to-hand combat8. Why a Hydro Flask is the perfect container …
UCSD Crane Replaced By Bird
“I’m really worried for the local marine life,” stated Professor Drake. “I saw that thing eat an entire whale yesterday.”Photo by Sharon Roth Residents of Revelle …
March Madness Turns into March Insanity
“I got my final grade from my physics class,” said Riordan. “This is the first time a professor has cheered when I’ve gotten an F.”Photo by …
Student Studying Abroad in the Netherlands Accidentally Sent to the Nether
“You know, this isn’t the type of blaze I was expecting,” said Hero, dodging fireballs.Photo by Connor Betterly Before the events of last Tuesday, UCSD student …
The End is Near! vs No, It’s Just Acid Reflux.
Point: The End is Near! Doctor! O Doctor! Heed my call, for I fear the end is near! On the ninety-second day of this annus horribilis …
Yes, I Am, in Fact, God.
Hello mortals, it’s Me: your God. My name was once Ronald Jameson and I was a student like yourself. Unlike yourself, however, I was a highly-gifted …
Top Ten Things We Keep in the Junk Drawer “Just in Case”
10. Four sticks of unsalted butter9. An aged Post-it note showing our one password8. A positive pregnancy test7. An umbrella — we’re saving it for a …
Mother Orders Tacos
Expects nine-month delivery date
Local Gamer Tragically Latches on to Cool Character in Elden Ring
“I don’t know why my friends are so worried about him getting kilned. He is a pot,” Cano noted.Photo by Sharon Roth Lilith Cano, a 23-year-old …
