ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Point-Counter Point: Momma Horny

Written by: Matt Olson

Point: Is It Just Me, or Did Nathan’s Friend Turn into a Handsome Young Man? Hey Martha, do you remember that kid who used to play …


Scientists Conclude that They Just Can’t

Written by: Hannah Rosenblatt

This past week, after decades of foundational work filled with hard labor, dedication, and a steady funding source, scientists at the University of Painbridge have concluded …


400 Million Dollars Sent to Haiti to Aid Cholera Outbreak; Fiji Water Plant Built

Written by: Brandon Mougel

In an act of incredible generosity, the United Nations (U.N.) has sent 400 million dollars to aid in the cholera outbreak in Haiti, which coincidentally began …


Local Students Refuse to Forgive TA for Small Mistake

Written by: The MQ

On Wednesday night, an anonymous TA reportedly added a negative sign where there should not have been one in homework problem 37 of Math 20D. Witnesses …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Point-Counter Point: Bus Drivers

Written by: The MQ

Point: Bus Drivers Should Not Sacrifice a Whole Shuttle of Students for Five Foolish Traffic Violators The trolley problem: a recurrent topic of philosophical and ethical …


Creator of EpiPen Raises Price to One Human Soul

Written by: Sage Cristal

Since 2009, the price of the EpiPen has inflated nearly 500 percent due to Mylan, the producer of EpiPens, overcharging the government and taking advantage of …


Local High School Replaces Free Response Essays with New Improv Writing Curriculum

Written by: Lawrence Lee

Wooddard Poe High School, a private high school in San Diego County, has just released their revised 2017–2018 English curriculum, which now features a new focus …


Local Man Almost Gets Job, Dog in Suit Hired Instead

Written by: Daniel Clinton

Local man Terry Chien was interviewing for the position of Account Manager at DoorStops International when he was passed over in favor of a golden retriever …


Scientists Confirm Ocean is Really Scary at Night

Written by: Matt Olson

After years of research and technological advancements, scientists are finally ready to confirm the findings of a decade-long study. In a press conference, lead researcher Karl …


LETTER FROM THE EDITOR: Addressing the Recent Election

Written by: The MQ

NOTE: This is NOT a satirical article In the aftermath of the recent election, and given our new president-elect, we as a publication have decided to …