Articles
Apple Brings Back Outsourced Jobs from Overseas, Releases Dumb Watch
Next Monday, millions across the nation will wait in line to buy the newest and most streamlined addition to Apple’s ever-growing product line — the Apple …
Put Your Children’s Future in My Capable, Perfectly Manicured Hands and You Won’t Regret It
America, I am here to tell you that all of your youths are in safe hands. I cannot say yet exactly whose hands those will be …
New Study Shows People are Your Friends If You Just Say They are Behind Their Backs
Openly acknowledging and addressing your friends as “friends” may strengthen your relationship, according to an American Psychological Association report released last Tuesday. In a surprising twist, …
Indian Children’s Playground Latest Battleground as Kashmiri Forces Attempt to Draw Line In The Sand
Indian Security forces were caught off guard last week when rebels from Kashmir attacked them on a playground in the town of Kathua. The rebels were …
Area Man Excited to M.C. This Year’s Geometry Convention
The 2017 Convention of Geometry Enthusiasts will have its main festivities hosted by Area Man, a popular children’s educator who specializes in teaching how to define …
Children’s Book About Mean Frog “Not a Sociopolitical Metaphor,” Author Insists
The new children’s book by author Rachel Bradberry has been lauded recently for its “careful, subtle rhetoric about today’s society” despite the author’s claims that “it’s …
Local College Club Told to Waste University Money, Wastes University Money
UCSD has reported a 20,000 dollar loss since the beginning of December that is unrelated to professors’ pay, dorm renovations, or raising the quality of food …
Humanities Recruitment Actually a Front for Gathering Small Army
Last month, UCSD’s Arts and Humanities Advantage (AHa) Outreach Internship Program received the Innovation Grant. The program focuses on recruitment for the department, but does not …
7.1 Earthquake Downgraded to 6.8, Lost Points for Style
Honduras suffered a crushing blow this morning, as a local earthquake lost 0.3 points from its original score in a rare case of score revision, leading …
Trump Places Gag Order on the Newly-Hired Alternative Fact Finder
President Trump has enacted another gag order, this time on official D.C. Fact Finder Jerry Verum early Tuesday morning, silencing Verum from communicating with the public …
