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how i cured cancer and smashed puss at the same time

Written by: The MQ

Chad Moore, World Famous Physician and Motivational Speaker Ever since I cured cancer, I’ve received many heartwarming letters of thanks and commendation. It makes me happy …

ArticlesNewsTales From the Field

this robot can play any song as long as it’s ska

Written by: The MQ

Magen Spriggs, Roboticist Robots aren’t usually known for their artistic talents. Why would they need them anyway when there’s so much else they could do? But …

ArticlesNewsTales From the Field

i went on a field trip to the zoo and it was fun but mr. brown made us fill out worksheets

Written by: The MQ

Kyle Watson, 7 Years Old Hi. Today was a fun day at school because I saw sloths, and they are my favorite animal. I don’t like …

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sleep study confirms that cat’s schedule is ideal

Written by: The MQ

Catherine Hayes, Tired Neurology Student As a human, I think it’s fair for me to say that our circadian cycle of eight hours of sleep, three …

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Eight Knives Found in Caesar Salad

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

The latest in a string of lettuce-related crimes occurred this Saturday in UCSD’s Goody’s Market when a local student found eight pieces of sharp cutlery in …

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Local Student Mixes Every Single Energy Drink Available, Projected Not to Sleep Until Next Week

Written by: Adam Yoshinaga

After staying awake for six consecutive days and breaking the former school record, third-year Saturn Smith attempted to break the UC-wide record of 11 days. When …

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Trump’s Space Force: “We Will Send the First Americans to the Moon by 2044”

Written by: Sage Cristal

Months after introducing the general public to the concept of an American Space Force, President Trump signed a new policy that laid out plans to establish …

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Snakes Celebrate the Day Their Ancestors Immigrated to America

Written by: Jack Yang

Thousands of snakes across America will celebrate Snake Day, a day honoring their heritage and their ancestors that emigrated from Ireland. Sources from “old folk legends” …

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College Student Plans Spring Break Trip to Australia, Doesn’t Understand how Hemispheres Work

Written by: Hannah Lykins

American college student Kelsey Vittras received backlash after she announced her plan to take her first-ever spring break trip to Canberra, Australia. Her decision was reportedly …

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My Nonprofit Has Made Significant Measures to Stop Global Warming

Written by: Steven Zhou

I have never been more proud to be a community leader in Hell. After thousands of years of drought, fire, and brimstone, I decided that enough …