Articles
how i cured cancer and smashed puss at the same time
Chad Moore, World Famous Physician and Motivational Speaker Ever since I cured cancer, I’ve received many heartwarming letters of thanks and commendation. It makes me happy …
this robot can play any song as long as it’s ska
Magen Spriggs, Roboticist Robots aren’t usually known for their artistic talents. Why would they need them anyway when there’s so much else they could do? But …
i went on a field trip to the zoo and it was fun but mr. brown made us fill out worksheets
Kyle Watson, 7 Years Old Hi. Today was a fun day at school because I saw sloths, and they are my favorite animal. I don’t like …
sleep study confirms that cat’s schedule is ideal
Catherine Hayes, Tired Neurology Student As a human, I think it’s fair for me to say that our circadian cycle of eight hours of sleep, three …
Eight Knives Found in Caesar Salad
The latest in a string of lettuce-related crimes occurred this Saturday in UCSD’s Goody’s Market when a local student found eight pieces of sharp cutlery in …
Local Student Mixes Every Single Energy Drink Available, Projected Not to Sleep Until Next Week
After staying awake for six consecutive days and breaking the former school record, third-year Saturn Smith attempted to break the UC-wide record of 11 days. When …
Trump’s Space Force: “We Will Send the First Americans to the Moon by 2044”
Months after introducing the general public to the concept of an American Space Force, President Trump signed a new policy that laid out plans to establish …
Snakes Celebrate the Day Their Ancestors Immigrated to America
Thousands of snakes across America will celebrate Snake Day, a day honoring their heritage and their ancestors that emigrated from Ireland. Sources from “old folk legends” …
College Student Plans Spring Break Trip to Australia, Doesn’t Understand how Hemispheres Work
American college student Kelsey Vittras received backlash after she announced her plan to take her first-ever spring break trip to Canberra, Australia. Her decision was reportedly …
My Nonprofit Has Made Significant Measures to Stop Global Warming
I have never been more proud to be a community leader in Hell. After thousands of years of drought, fire, and brimstone, I decided that enough …
