November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II


College Student Plans Spring Break Trip to Australia, Doesn’t Understand how Hemispheres Work

Written by: Hannah Lykins

Vittras was reportedly found attempting to hitchhike in a kangaroo’s pouch.
Photo by: Hannah Lykins

American college student Kelsey Vittras received backlash after she announced her plan to take her first-ever spring break trip to Canberra, Australia. Her decision was reportedly met with negative reactions from her classmates, such as “Well, it’s a pretty unpopular place to go,” “Why the hell would she choose Australia?” and “Who’s Kelsey? Is she in B-House?”

“I couldn’t be more excited! It’s my first year in college, so I’ve never been on a real spring break trip before, but I’m ready for all the adventures and beautiful weather that I’m sure Australia will have to offer.”

As a continent in the southern hemisphere, Australia has opposite seasons to countries in the northern hemisphere. As locations north of the equator begin to warm, southern countries like Australia will only begin to drop in temperature, especially in inland areas. This temperature difference continues to prove “really confusing” to Americans, many of whom have yet to grasp the Celsius system.

“I spent the last month planning my trip; I basically stopped going to classes in February,” said Vittras. “And my friends stopped talking to me a couple of weeks back, ‘cause all I’d ever do was think about Australia and talk about Australia. I think I’ve even started talking in an Australian accent. But honestly, mate, go big or go home. And I can’t really go home at this point, ‘cause I’m failing my classes and my parents don’t want to see me anymore.”

“It’s been a little chillier here in California than I’m used to, so the Australian beaches will definitely be a sight for sore eyes,” said Vittras. “I really don’t know why more people don’t go there for spring break. I know both of my roommates are going to Cabo, but I think I lucked out with my pick.”

More traditional locations college students pick for spring break are often on a beach or in a country with a lower drinking age. However, Vittras decided to pick Australia “because who wouldn’t go to a country that’s basically just warm beaches 24/7?”

“You know, I think she picked one of the only major cities in Australia that doesn’t have a beach,” said Mary Alvarez, one of Vittras’s roommates. “Like I knew she was dumb already, but couldn’t she have picked a city people had heard of, like Sydney or something. Jesus. So she’s gonna be cold and not even at the beach.”

Vitras remarked, “It’s my first year in college, so I really wanted to make sure I did this trip right. I mean, you only get to do your first spring break once. Plus, the drinking age in Mexico is 18, and I’m only 17 still. In Australia, you only have to be 16 to drink, so I think I really picked the right place for me. Wait, it’s still 16, right? They wouldn’t change something like that, would they?”

Vittras was later heard on the phone with a travel agent, yelling that she needed to “get somewhere actually warm and fun” before spring break started, “like Chile or New Zealand.”

Managing Editor at The MQ

Hannah Lykins is a fourth-year student at UCSD.

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