Articles
Toxic Workplace Environments Perfect for Crop Growth
The phrase “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was found to be one of the most reliable fertilizers.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After world hunger was solved during Summer Session II, the …
Sunshine Market Maximizes Convenience by Abolishing the Illusion of Choice
“I tried to take the bell pepper out of my basket, and three store employees tackled me,” said shopper Anne Flaxis. “I’m allergic!”Photo by Liv Gilbert …
Art Scheme Exposed After ‘Silliest’ Turn of Events
“A picture is worth a thousand words, but this one wasn’t worth my time,” said Buadgui.Photo by Dylan Schmidt A new video surfaced on TikTok last …
Scientists Discover Where the Time Goes
“Quick, get a bucket; all our time is running down the drain!” exclaimed one scientist.Photo by Amit Roth In an article published in Nature, physicists Herbert …
SDPD Union Asks Public to ‘Stop Being Mean’
“Oh my god, an explosion! I wonder whose job it is to take care of that,” said one officer.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Last week, SDPD union …
Median Voter Found
“Nobody’s really asked me how I’ve felt about all this, and I don’t really know either,” said Kevin Clerkson.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In the tightly contested …
UC Regents Bans Students from Campuses
“ ,” said .Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In response to the numerous student protests that have heavily impacted the University of California system, the Regents of …
UCSD to Ban Witch Trials
“I hope this isn’t just a complicated spell the witches are casting,” said one student as they watched a pile of torches and pitchforks burn.Photo by …
Congress Passes Bill Banning Women from Aging
“Finally, some peace and quiet,” said Mitch McConnell.Photo by Theo Erickson Despite a 75-hour Senate filibuster and a bipartisan coalition against it, Congress succeeded in passing …
I Bet I Could Do Olympic Gymnastics if I Really, Really Wanted To
Another year goes by and another round of Olympic Games has come and gone, and all these damn kids online keep raving about these damn Olympic …
