I Killed Journalism

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

By Aryn DeHerreha
Short-Term Lover

I killed it. Yup… it was me. Every time I clicked on a Washington Post article and I was refused entry, I slowly held the pillow down hard on its face as I typed the link into the Internet Archive. When asked to pay for a subscription I scoffed, sipped my latte that costs the same as the yearly fee, and found an alternative, FREE newsource to entertain myself with. Don’t kid yourself, it’s entertainment.

As much as we all pretend to care about interest rates, “the election,” or whatever these yahoos write about, I consumed media as though it were fanfic written by a teenager with an affinity for the arts. It was usually a good read, but in a world where MY time and MY money is so precious, tough choices have to be made when the price gets too much. Luckily for everyone else, I was there to make the hard decision no one else was willing to make.

Do I feel guilty? Of course I do. I rained on their parade. Like the principal of the underfunded high school, I had to shut down the theatre department in order to maintain things that actually mattered. (Of course, I’m speaking of my subscription to DailyCats023 on X.)

I expect to hear whines ranging from “How will the masses be informed?” to “I’ve spent years in the field, what will I do now?” And to those, I give them this answer: Turn to short-form, easily understood videos, à la TikTok.

These newspapers must think I’m some sort of New Jersey mobster who can afford the time to read a bunch of articles. They have a lot of nerve to expect me to both pay them and to read articles. I’m no longer a kid in school; legally, I don’t have to read a single sentence ever again. And why read one of their articles when I can be told basically the same information I could have gotten from my loudmouth cousin Vito?

Maybe one day we can all be so rich in both time and money as to afford journalism and its decadence, but today isn’t the day. Today, I will bask in ChatGPT summaries of my Morning Brew newsletters which tell me the most important things, because clearly, information that’s free is also the only information needed for me and the masses.

So yeah, no need to thank me explicitly. I just humbly ask that you think of me and my sacrifice any time you read something these bohemian divas wrote. Oh, and please make sure to turn on the adblock while you’re at it.

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