Politics
Congress Announces a Bipartisan Skincare Line
“Wearing this skincare product makes me feel 40 years younger. I might even start voting Democrat again,” testified Senator McConnell.Photo by Julia Wong House Speaker Nancy …
President Dreám Announces Face Reveal
This past week, the newly-elected president of L’manburg announced to his constituents that he would be doing a “face reveal” following the conclusion of his campaign. …
Angry Local Politician Hates American Education System, But Not for the Same Reasons as Everyone Else
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Maria Dhilla On October 3rd, Florida state representative Glenn Miller …
Italy Elects Mussolini’s Reanimated Corpse as Prime Minister
Last week, Giorgia Meloni, who was expected to become Italy’s first female prime minister, stepped down as head of the Brothers of Italy Party. Meloni made …
Amidst Recession Fears, U.S. Federal Reserve Adopts New Monetary Policy of “Get Your Money Up”
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Julia Wong After two quarters of negative economic growth and …
The U.S. to Start Broadcasting All Court Proceedings Following Popularity of Heard-Depp Trial
One attorney concluded, “I rest my case, just like I rest on this MyPillow.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the White House announced a new executive …
Chancellor Khosla Sleeps Through Campus Abortion Rights Protest
“Sleep is for the weak. Thankfully, it’s Thursday,” said Khosla.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the leaked draft opinion on Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health, …
Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil
After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …
CDC Recommends Hiding Vaccines Under Mashed Potatoes to Get Anti-Vaxxers to Take Their Medicine
“The worst part wasn’t the vaccine — it was the fact that the Dino Nuggets were touching the mac ‘n’ cheese,” complained Hetfield.Photo by Robin Brewin In …
Aides Refuse to Reveal Secret to Queen’s Long Life as 70th Year of Rule Approaches
The Church of England will now accept small children as tithe.Photo by Maria Dhilla As Queen Elizabeth II approaches her 70th year of rule, the Commonwealth …
