Politics
U.S. Bans All GMOs “Except the Really Cool Ones”
The FDA recently released a set of stricter guidelines for producing GMOs, allowing for only products exhibiting the highest scores in categories such as “color/shiny index …
Turkish Comic Jailed for Calling President Erdogan’s Hairline “The Real Migration Crisis”
The comedy club at the Tekirdag prison in Turkey welcomed a new member earlier in the month when local comedian Ersin Ozince was sentenced to twenty …
Population Embarks on Operant Conditioning of Government
In a new Gallup poll, a majority of Americans have admitted to being part of a large grassroots effort to try to train the government to …
Recess Canceled After Polarizing Mud-Slinging Fight
Vernon Elementary School recess was halted abruptly this Tuesday, and is suspended until further notice, after a series of impassioned outbursts and an extensive mud fight …
Aspiring Achievers Cofounder Falls Short of Clinching Treasurer Position in Club Elections
Third year undergraduate Jane Footick stormed out of Aspiring Achievers’ third GBM of spring quarter where, despite her significant prior sacrifices that brought the organization to …
Lin-Manuel Miranda Wins Nobel Prize, Puerto Rican Gubernatorial Office
Lin-Manuel Miranda, “Hamilton” playwright and star, has won both a Nobel Prize and the office of Governor of Puerto Rico last Tuesday, in addition to being …
Far Right Calls for End to Annual Migration of Monarch Butterflies
The presidential campaign took yet another interesting turn late last month, as a far-right political party called for a press conference to demand a stop to …
Political Conversations Revealed as Finite Resource, to Be Depleted by Mid-2017
A recent study concluded that discussion topics and information about the 2016 election available to the general public are decreasing at an alarming rate, and if …
Congress Shortens Women’s History Month to 78 Percent of Previous Length
Late last month, Congress passed a bill intended to shorten March, Women’s History Month, to 78 percent of its typical length in order to better reflect …
Hillary Clinton Appears on “Sesame Street” to Appeal to the Youth
To combat the political pressure from the growing support of the Bernie Sanders campaign, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton made a recent guest appearance on the children’s …
