Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was put to the test earlier this month after President Trump appeared to forget significant portions of “The Star-Spangled Banner” during the opening festivities of the College Football National Championships.
Like most of Trump’s presidency, a host of cameras was there to capture the moment broadcasting the mishap live to 25.7 million viewers who, according to Trump’s latest tweet, “ … probably don’t know half the words to that stupid song themselves.” The Twitter tirade continued on for three more threads in which President Trump also attacked the anthem’s creator, Francis Scott Key, writing, “ … I mean who even likes that boring song anyways, I could write a better national anthem than that Filthy Franny.”
In the video, Trump can be clearly seen timidly murmuring the melody and at other times singing the completely wrong lyrics; at one point, it seemed as if Trump was singing the tune to “Veggie Tales.” The clip from the game quickly went viral, and the next morning, Press Secretary Sanders took to the briefing room to set the record straight.
Sanders opened the briefing by reading off a list of celebrities and then proceeded to ask the room of journalists, “You know what Donald Trump has in common with Grammy Award Winning singer Christina Aguilera and American Idol Winner Scotty McCreery? They all make recurring appearances in my nightly fantasies AND have screwed up the national anthem.”
After spending an uncomfortable amount of time explaining to journalists the simplistic beauty of McCreery’s music and the hypnotic rhythm in which his hips sway, Sanders, after taking a moment to collect herself, told reporters, “President Trump may not know all the words to our anthem, but ohhh boyyy he can sure whistle ‘Dixie.’”
According to Sanders, the president can often be heard wandering around the West Wing whistling famous Confederate battle hymns. Other staff members have also spoken out, praising Trump’s previously hidden talent. “There has never been a better whistler in the world,” yelled Senior Advisor Stephen Miller, wiping frothy saliva from the corners of his mouth.
Apparently, President Trump isn’t the only musician in the White House as Jeff Sessions, Rick Perry, Rex Tillerson, and Mike Pence have all been reportedly seen and heard in the Oval Office, accompanying the President with various makeshift instruments.
“Sessions plays one hell of a washboard,” commented Trump when asked about his staff members’ hidden talent. The jugband quartet reportedly spends hours writing and rehearsing their music only to be interrupted when Ivanka brings the men their juice.
The Andrew Jackson 5 is set to perform their first gig at the Little Rock Music Festival, otherwise referred to unofficially as “Racist Coachella,” and they are rumored to have started recording a new album set to release late this year.
Article by: Sam Leaman, Staff Writer