Politics
Donald Trump Plans to Hire Dick Wolf to Implement Law & Order Policy
Handwritten notes found on Trump’s podium by Hofstra University janitor Philipe Santana after the first Presidential Debate seem to indicate who Trump has decided to hire …
Millennials Dump Illuminati, Embrace Scientology as Ultimate Truth
In a surprising mass exodus, millennials are beginning to leave the Illuminati, one of the United States’ most popular cults, for a more “retro” form of …
Trump Campaign Hires Tony the Tiger, “They’re Great”
The formal resignation of former Trump Campaign Manager Kellyanne Conway early last week came as a surprise to Donald J. Trump for President, Inc. and the …
Libertarian Party Polls at Record Highs, Nobody Notices
Recent polls show Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson polling at an earth-shattering 13 percent versus Democratic and Republican candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, respectively. “This is …
Dakota Pipeline Helpfully Threatens Native Lands
Energy Transfer’s Dakota Access Pipeline, a projected crude oil pipe spanning North and South Dakota, Iowa, and Illinois, has received great praise in recent weeks for …
Tornado Unfairly Redistricts Communities, Republicans Say
Tragedy struck mainland Iowa this week when the worst tornado in recent history ripped its way through Madison and Des Moines. However, some are saying that …
Recently Reopened Planned Parenthood Re-closed
The national debate over reproductive rights took yet another unexpected turn as a Texas abortion clinic was re-closed for the 47th time since its opening in …
U.S. Makes Extra Small, Extra Large Wallets Adjusts to Income Inequality
Lead wallet producers across the nation are uniting to create new lines of wallets varying greatly in size, but all equally stylish. The shift in design …
California Union Union Members Go On Strike, Halting California Union Strikes
The California Union Union, the largest California professional “union union,” which protects union union members working in unions, went on strike Friday, effectively ceasing most of …
President Erdogan Outlines New Plan to Use Ataturk Rolling Over in Grave as Renewable Energy Source
The turmoil in Turkey following the recent failed coup attempt in July seemed to find a reprieve last week as Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan announced …
