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Liberals Call for ‘Full Commitment’ in National Celebration of Ides of March

Written by: The MQ

During such political and social turmoil, many liberals are appealing to classical works and traditions in order to find peace and purpose. This year, liberal leadership …

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Puerto Rico Chosen for Trump’s “Most Dangerous Game”

Written by: Brandon Mougel

The first few months of the Trump presidency have not been without controversy, and a recently signed executive order has sparked even more conversation surrounding the …

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Frederick Douglass Continues to Elude Trump Administration

Written by: The MQ

In the past week, a news leak from the White House has shown that the Trump administration reportedly attempted to bring in Frederick Douglass to speak …

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Trump Uses Phone-a-Friend Option Sooner than Expected

Written by: Daniel Clinton

Donald Trump was reportedly “on edge” from recent connections drawn between his administration and Russia, an unprecedented move which led to Trump using his Phone-a-Friend option. …

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Lana Del Rey Revealed to be “Witch Queen” after Casting Binding Spell on Trump

Written by: The MQ

Grammy-nominated pop singer Lana Del Rey, after participating in the world wide witches’ binding spell against President Donald Trump, has revealed her True Form as the …

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Climate Change Denier Found under Rock, Appointed to Head of EPA

Written by: Hannah Rosenblatt

Local business owner Earl Coombs was found early last Monday after having gone missing nearly 32 years ago under a large boulder in Yosemite National Park. …

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V.P. Pence Changes Name to “1.24 Cents,” Inspires Patriotism

Written by: Jessica Ma

Last Thursday, Vice President Mike Pence finalized his name change from Mike Pence to Mike 1.24 Cents. When asked about the change, 1.24 Cents replied, “It’s …

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Sean Spicer Disappears, Found Digging Under White House

Written by: Matt Olson

Panic struck the White House last week when it was discovered that Sean Spicer, the newly appointed Press Secretary of the Trump Administration, had gone missing. …

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Iranians Trapped by Travel Ban Plan to “‘Argo’ This Shit”

Written by: Chris Jin

President Trump’s January 27 executive order, which barred entry into the US for citizens of seven predominantly Muslim nations, including Iran, has already caused a wide …

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Filipino Senate Calls for Peaceful Removal of President Duterte’s Head

Written by: Barak Tzori

The Filipino Senate passed a joint resolution last Friday calling for the peaceful removal of the President Duterte’s head from office and corpus. The unilateral decision …