Liberals Call for ‘Full Commitment’ in National Celebration of Ides of March


Written by: The MQ

Not pictured: the national security briefing Trump was supposed to be at while posing for this picture.
Photo by: Jessica Ma

During such political and social turmoil, many liberals are appealing to classical works and traditions in order to find peace and purpose. This year, liberal leadership is reviving the Ides of March as a national holiday. Today marks the first day of celebration, with festivities occurring in Washington, D.C. Liberal leadership insists that the key to the holiday’s success lies in celebrating with authenticity and commitment in order to reinvigorate democratic and nationalistic sentiments.

“Many people remember the Ides of March from Shakespeare’s play, but the holiday is much older,” liberal leader Cassandra Dagat explained. “The Ides of March is more than the assassination of Julius Caesar. Historically, it represented freedom itself, like the Fourth of July for Americans. That freedom comes at a price, and there can never be too many holidays to remind us of that.”

March 15 was originally a Roman religious holiday, but the assassination of Julius Caesar changed the date’s importance. For Romans, the holiday commemorated liberation from an oppressor and potential tyrant, reinforcing the status of the empire as a republic run by the people. The anniversary celebrations became seriously respected and honored traditions. Octavian, Caesar’s successor, celebrated with such fervor that he used the day as an occasion to execute more than 300 people who opposed his reign. Roman historian Cactullus recorded that Octavian proclaimed, “I totally understand the sociohistorical implications of this date for tyrants. I’m nailing this emperor thing.”

In response to liberals’ original proposal and explanation of the history, some citizens expressed confusion about how to approach the holiday in modern times. While some believed the holiday should be a joyful celebration of the United States’ victories over its past, others thought it should be approached with a more serious affect. Senator Mark Brutenni, who works closely with Dagat, offered an explanation.

“While the holiday is a celebration, there is also a heavy aspect of solemnity in it,” Brutenni said. “We must celebrate the Ides with full commitment, regardless of the fears some people have of change. The ideologies of our nation are embodied in our actions and words, so we must actively work to make those actions something to be proud of. I promise you, the 2017 Ides of March will be an event immortalized for generations to come.”

Today’s festivities include fireworks, rousing speeches, usage of cannons on outdated infrastructure, and a gathering of major political figures at the Senate. Most notably, President Donald Trump will attend a Senate gathering to speak to the senators. His day will begin with a parade through the capital, where he will greet top scientists, activists, and leaders who have “perpetuated the democratic cause.” Respected gastroenterologist Sue Thayer is expected to attend.

“I would be honored to play a part in the national festivities,” Thayer commented while analyzing a plate of haggis in a lunchtime interview this week. “The health of a nation is a pivotal matter, and I’m pleasantly surprised to see our leadership appealing to experts. I am scheduled to meet the president during his procession. I certainly have a few choice things to say to him.”

Members of the liberal planning committee were happy to hear participants like Thayer were taking the holiday in earnest.

“We have to ensure the importance of this holiday strikes true in the hearts of the nation’s leaders if this is going to work,” Senator Nicholas Casscano said. “Gathering in the place where we secure and protect freedoms is essential to remind us of what is at stake. We especially can’t have senators backing out. It’s game time.”

Written by: Alexandria Vollhardt, Assistant Copy Editor

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