Local Comedian Sure This Joke Will Make Trump Resign

Written by: The MQ

Waiting backstage to follow Morrison’s “devastating” joke as the headlining act, Trump was heard saying he was ready to “Gallagher this sucka.”
Photo by: Connor Gorry

Local stand-up comedian Ashley Morrison wrote a new joke last Friday, which sources say is sure to force Trump to resign. Sources claimed that the joke was “savage,” that it “ripped Trump to shreds,” and that it “absolutely destroyed the man, just tore him apart at the seams, just atomized him completely and scattered his dust to the stellar winds and far galaxies — in a metaphorical sense, of course.” While the joke’s delivery has been limited to small shows around San Diego thus far, its success has not gone unnoticed in the national political discourse.

Morrison, who has been touring the local comedy circuit for several years now and enjoying great success, devised the joke last week while tepidly watching CNN. Morrison then absently texted the joke to one of her friends. The friend responded enthusiastically, proclaiming that Morrison had “ended Trump for good.”

Morrison, buoyed by her friend’s enthusiasm, began to integrate this joke into her routine, and preliminary tests seemed to indicate that it did in fact have the power to defeat the president. The joke has received a great deal attention from national pundits and political analysts, who are eager to see this joke in action; reports suggest that Morrison has tapped into a force that American politics has never seen before.

“Remember the way ‘The Daily Show’ tore Bush apart?” one pundit asked. “That’s what we’re hoping for, but even bigger. After all, Bush only ended up serving two terms!”

Despite this, Morrison reported some degree of anxiety on the subject. “I mean, there’s no way he can keep being president after this,” she said, shifting nervously. “But what if it doesn’t work? I’ve tried everything: making fun of him, making fun of him harder, making fun of his personal qualities, making fun of his political choices — if this doesn’t do it, I’m at wit’s end.”

Not all of Morrison’s friends were as enthusiastic. Some seemed less enthused, even lukewarm, about the whole affair. “I mean, it’s a pretty good joke,” said Zara Khan, one of Morrison’s more subdued friends. “It’s clever, I like it. But I don’t know, there’s something about the way Ashley keeps making political jokes that is starting to bother some of us.” Khan then left, apologizing and saying she had a protest to attend.

According to reports, Morrison intends to continue on as usual. Her joke will be delivered at her next stand-up performance, where experts anticipate it will call down a cosmic superbeing who will then forcibly remove Trump from office.

Written by: Kavita Poduri

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