News
FDA Hits Monkey Poisoning Quota in Record Time
The FDA published a report online last week announcing that they have hit their monkey poisoning quota nearly three months ahead of schedule. The report, titled …
UCSD Begins Construction on RIMAC Field Parking Structure, Cites Lack of Parking Due to Construction
UCSD will break ground on the new RIMAC Parking Structure next week; a plan that is projected to add 3,000 parking spots, but will take away …
Area Student Buys Maximum Amount of Dining Dollars, Receives Fame and Glory
In an email sent out to students this past Friday, HDH announced that they were honoring Kay Cecil — an incoming Revelle student who was reportedly …
New Tech Startup “Pomme” on Track to Surpass Apple
There may soon be a different company named after a fruit controlling Silicon Valley. As the third quarter of 2018 begins to wind down, a new smartphone …
UCSD Professor Reluctant to Go Back to Class Because of “All Those Lame Freshies”
UCSD Mathematics Professor Ralph P. Olson recently expressed that he shares the “dread” of going back to school this fall with his students, mainly because of …
“Fuck It, There’s No God,” Says Pope in Surprising Press Conference
In an attempt at “retribution for those who take ‘Jesus, take the wheel’ too far,” Pope Francis led a six hour surprise press conference in Vatican …
World’s Oldest Fly Dies at 43 (Days)
A house fly famous in the La Jolla area for its longevity has recently passed away in UCSD student Richard Liu’s bathroom. The fly, affectionately named …
Poll Reports 75 Percent of Millennials Would Vote for Corpse of Bernie Sanders in 2020
CNN released a poll on Wednesday, September 12, finding that 75 percent of millenials are willing to vote for the corpse of Bernie Sanders in the …
HDH Replaces Dining Hall Meals With Dog Food, Students Deem It an Improvement
Last Friday night, HDH announced via email that it will change all dining hall food options to dog food varieties starting Fall Quarter 2018, citing student …
Professors Prepare To Return to Void for Summer
UC San Diego professors prepare to return to the void as the Spring 2018 quarter draws to a close. Professors who aren’t teaching during the Summer …
