News
Student Finds Four-Leaf Clover on Sun God Lawn, Wins Zoom Meeting With Leprechaun
“Ten more minutes and I’m lepre-GONE,” grumbled the leprechaun.Photo By Julia Wong Earlier this week, third-year UCSD student Stacey Greene was taking a break from her …
Philosophy Student Mistakes Thought for Mind-Blowing Epiphany
Michael of Temecula recently took his Minions out to dinner, only to complain, “This is the last supper! You guys cost way too much money.”Photo By …
UCSD Crane Replaced By Bird
“I’m really worried for the local marine life,” stated Professor Drake. “I saw that thing eat an entire whale yesterday.”Photo by Sharon Roth Residents of Revelle …
March Madness Turns into March Insanity
“I got my final grade from my physics class,” said Riordan. “This is the first time a professor has cheered when I’ve gotten an F.”Photo by …
Photoshop Object Select Stops Identifying Women, Claims They Are Not Objects
“Good thing I still have MS Paint on my computer,” said Dugnutt. “Microsoft doesn’t give a shit about objectifying women.”Photo By Sharon Roth Recently, Adobe has …
CDC Recommends Hiding Vaccines Under Mashed Potatoes to Get Anti-Vaxxers to Take Their Medicine
“The worst part wasn’t the vaccine — it was the fact that the Dino Nuggets were touching the mac ‘n’ cheese,” complained Hetfield.Photo by Robin Brewin In …
Computing Major Still In Denial
“Goodbye, World!” printed Stunkens.Photo by Julia Wong To the confusion of many, Lorey Stunkens, a second-year, allegedly refuses to acknowledge that she is majoring in Computer Science. …
Man Claims Covid-19 Created to Annoy Him Personally
“I didn’t think the deep state or my grades could sink so low,” said Klein.Photo by Maria Dhilla Jake Klein, a sophomore in Seventh College, spends most …
James Webb Space Telescope Finds Tragedy in Outer Space
“I don’t care what happens to that planet,” admitted one middle-tier manager. “I just want to get stellar performance reviews.”Photo by Connor Betterly Following the successful …
Wolftown Debuts New Locally Sourced Raccoon Bowl
“After eating this, the trash doesn’t look so bad,” claimed Nomick.Photo by Maria Dhilla Throngs of hungry undergraduates were greeted by a new sight on Wednesday at …
