Campus
New Research on Whale Sharks Revealed to be “Gentile Gentle Giants”
After praying to the golden calf, the whale sharks were seen engaging in whole-hog BBQ.Photo by Sharon Roth Researchers at UCSD’s Scripps Institute of Oceanography have made …
Favorite Children’s Book Author Revealed to be Objectively Horrible Person
“Who knew that the man who conceived a world where native Oompa-Loompas are taken from their homes to serve a white businessman was actually racist?” exclaimed …
Revelle and Roosevelt Colleges to be Merged, Number of GE Requirements Doubled
“At least I don’t have to worry about finding a job for the next six years,” one student said.Photo by Jack Yang Last Tuesday, during a brief …
Pandemic Not Enough to Halt Construction at UCSD
Cafe Ventana’s food reportedly tastes the same even with nuclear waste mixed in.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, UCSD has made …
New From the CDC: “Social Distancing Rules Still Apply, Even if You Really Really Need a Hug”
Whittman stated: “These pillows are so fluffy, I might not even go back to people after this.”Photo by Jack Yang In a recent press conference, the Center …
Compost Bin for Rotting School Newspapers That Nobody Reads Wins Award
Malkie remarked, “Print media may be dead, but composting is very much alive.”Photo by Sharon Roth Last Wednesday, two UCSD undergraduate students were awarded the American Climate …
Fourth-Year Student Looks Forward to 10th “Fresh Start to College” This Quarter
Chou asked: “I know my GPA is low, but what are my chances of being able to join CS this year?”Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local UCSD fourth-year …
Guy With Guitar in Zoom Lecture Definitely Knows His Mic is Still On
Velasquez credits professor Schmitty’s voice for having the perfect low volume to shred over.Photo by Jack Yang In the era of online education, it’s not uncommon for …
Local CS Student Experiences Immense Relaxation Following Stress Integer Overflow
“Yes, you may have mastered C and C++, but can you see beyond the void?” asked Coren.Photo by Jack Yang After laying in a fetal position, crying, …
Local Student Floods Childhood Home to Remember Life on Campus
Mahone’s father later commented that he was concerned that the family’s finances “would be in deep water after this stunt.”Photo by Jack Yang Mark Mahone, a second-year …
