Volume 32
Local Author Runs Out of Ideas
After years of synthesizing new, interesting concepts for books and short stories, local author Marianne Throuble has “completely run out of ideas.” “I sat down to …
UCSD Forces Students to View ‘Image that Kills You’
“Eh, I’ve seen worse,” said one particularly avid Reddit user.Photo by Amit Roth The UC San Diego administration announced its plans to add a new general …
OceanView Terrace Now ‘Serving Cunt’
“I hope the homosexuals feel safe now,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After months of “complicated and tense” deliberation within UC San Diego Housing, Dining …
Woman Holds Auditions to Find Valentine
“Is this an entry level relationship?” asked one recent graduate.Photo by Farhad Taporevala Hope Lise, a 28-year-old San Diego local, announced on social media that she …
UCSD Overhauls Remedial Math
“THWwACK,” said one anonymous ruler.Photo by Ariel Chen After a recent faculty report exposed “really scary” deficits in student mathematics preparedness, Chancellor Pradeep Khosla will begin …
WHERE ARE MY DESIGNER BABIES??? vs. Get More Creative
Point: WHERE ARE MY DESIGNER BABIES??? Prepping to be La Jolla’s best mother is no easy task. Our future princess Jadelynne has to be perfect — …
Celebrities Have Lost Touch with Reality vs. Respectfully, I’m a Little Freaked Out Right Now
Point: Celebrities Have Lost Touch with Reality The time was 22:55. I just got off work and eagerly made my way to my home office. I …
Love Loses
Heterosexual marriage is reportedly on an even sharper decline.Photo by Amit Roth In what historians are calling an “explosive decision unrivaled since Heinrich Schliemann’s excavation of …
Riots Break Out in Aftermath of Little League Softball Championships
“My kids don’t even go here; I just saw the violence and had to contribute,” said a local parent.Photo by Destiney Friday In a “startling” turn …
