Volume 30 Issue 1
We Have All Been Afflicted With a Curse
Fellow youths, I bring horrible, world-ending news. Our university — nay, our universe itself has been afflicted with a terrible curse. It is the most vile, …
La Jolla Coffee Shop to Require Three-Acre Land Ownership for Restroom Access
“Finally! A place where I can shit in opulence,” said one Sand&Foam guest.Photo by Amit Roth An upcoming amendment to the employee training guide of La …
Bacteria Don’t Deserve to Be Experimented On vs They’re Not Fucking Animals
Point: Bacteria Don’t Deserve to Be Experimented On While PETA has devoted no small amount of time and effort to advocate for the rights of animals …
Salk Researchers Find Chemicals in Water Supply
“Chemicals in the water supply? Next thing you know they’ll be putting chemicals in food!” said one parent.Photo by James Woolley In a new report from …
Price Center Plaza Looks So Good Now! vs Nothing Has Changed
Point: Price Center Plaza Looks So Good Now! Price Center Plaza looks so good now! I love all the construction they are doing. It truly makes …
NFL Releases Collaborative Script for New Season
“Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art — oh, shit, wrong play,” said Kenny Pickett.Photo by Amit Roth In a series of advertisements designed to raise excitement for …
