Volume 27 Issue 7

Top Ten

Top Ten Best Names for Your Beloved Racehorse to Show How Much You Cherish Them

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Best Names for Your Beloved Racehorse to Show How Much You Cherish Them Lyndon’s Big Johnson Horse Divorce Nightmare Nelson Piss Biscuit Pulitzer Prize …

ArticlesCampusNews

Local Senior Procrastinates Having Senioritis

Written by: Stephen Lightfoot

Murphy reported that his nervous system was working just fine because he is “so nervous all time.”Photo by Sharon Roth During a recent intervention staged by his …

Top Ten

Top Ten Abominations Made by The Swiss Army Corporation

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Abominations Made by The Swiss Army Corporation Swiss Army Spork Swiss Army Navy Swiss Army Nipple Piercing Swiss Army Wife Swiss Army Unstoppable Force …

ArticlesLocalNewsPolitics

Wizards of the Coast Announces New D&D Book: The Curse of QAnon

Written by: Jacob King

“Thank God I don’t have to keep homebrewing this sort of thing,” commented one tired dungeon master.Photo by Jack Yang At an investor meeting yesterday, Wizards of …

ArticlesLocalNews

Dr Pepper Forced to Pay Fine When Drink is Revealed to Contain Less Than 20% Doctors

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

It has notes of arrogance and student loans.Photo by Sharon Roth A high profile class-action lawsuit against Doctor Pepper over the doctoral composition of the eponymous soft …

ArticlesCampusNews

“Pomp and Circumcision” To Be Played at UCSD Graduation Following Chancellor’s “Head Tax” Announcement

Written by: Lily Everheart

“What happens if you’re double majoring?” asked a concerned student.Photo by Jack Yang Faced with the mounting pushback against raising tuition, Chancellor Khosla has decided to temporarily …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

I Got the COVID-19 Vaccine and It Destroyed My Work- Out Drive

Written by: Andrew Sitko

By H. I. Tee Local Workout “Enthusiast” The COVID-19 pandemic is a real event, and it has affected many people in my community. I do not …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Scrabble Champion Outraged: “If Marijuana is Legal, Proper Nouns Should Be Too”

Written by: Gage Tanzman

Moms have been concerned that this scrabble will lead kids to dabble in more complex word games.Photo by Maria Dhilla The legalization of marijuana has been making …

Features

Susan’s Foolproof Bagels

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky and Sharon Roth

Gluten Tag! Welcome to the latest edition of Susan’s mostly-baking-but-really-just-a-venting-session Baking Blog where she tackles Bagels (and the encroachment of loneliness into her life)

ArticlesNewsTech

Video Game Journalist Learns to Jump During Final Boss Battle

Written by: Yuri Bukhradze

Lee stated, “This game’s characters are so hard to follow. I don’t know who to pick — Singleplayer or Co-op?”Photo by Jack Yang While working on a …