Volume 26 Issue 5
Local Mother Conditionally Offers Unconditional Love
Local Mother Conditionally Offers Unconditional Love Katherine Zimmerman, local mother, has reportedly offered unconditional love to her three sons pending approval of her terms and conditions. …
Student Activists Demand COLA, UC Replies, “Is PEPSI Okay?”
Pepsi Co reportedly plans to feature the protest in a new commercial.Photo by Jack Yang The University of California school system has issued an official response to …
Local Leprechauns Threatened by Climate Change: “Too Much Sun, Not Enough Rainbows”
When questioned by reporters, one leprechaun said, “It’s not easy being green, but it’s not over until it’s clover!”Photo by Jack Yang As winter draws to a …
Price Center’s Dirty Birds Delayed Due to Environmental Protestors Wearing Dawn Shirts
Price Center’s Dirty Birds Delayed Due to Environmental Protestors Wearing Dawn Shirts Last Thursday, confused environmental protestors from the surrounding La Jolla neighborhood stormed Price Center …
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand Goop has recently revealed a new series of vitamin supplements. The collection is …
Area Child Reportedly “Just Turned Five”
“It won’t be long now until Jeffrey is fully grown,” said one family member.Photo by Jay Noonan Area child Jeffrey Chao has just turned five years old. …
Local Student Prophesizes “Total Apocalypse” if Regents Switch to Semester System
Kovalenko reportedly has lost “ample amounts of money” because he insists on paying cash but refuses to accept change.Photo by Sharon Roth In a public statement, …
Animal Crossing: New Horizons to Include Gentrification
Isabelle also offers the option of forcing villagers to stop speaking their dialect of Animalese if the player deems it “unprofessional.”Photo by Dan Kaliblotzky Nintendo has …
Top Ten Reasons Pluto is Making a Comeback
Top Ten Reasons Pluto is Making a Comeback Pluto’s going to fight Mercury whenits in it’s next retrograde It’s far away from Earth, whereall the problems …
Disneyland and UC System Compete for Highest Prices
UCSD and Disney are also currently engaged in a trademark dispute over the name “King Triton.”Photo by Sharon Roth With spring and summer break just around the …
