Written by: Steven Zhou

Local Mother Conditionally Offers Unconditional Love

Katherine Zimmerman, local mother, has reportedly offered unconditional love to her three sons pending approval of her terms and conditions. In her contract, Zimmerman has listed that her love will only be given if her sons “get a seven-figure paying job, live within one street of me, marry a woman, have three children, and invest in my multi-level marketing program.”

John Zimmerman, Katherine’s oldest son, has expressed disapproval of his mother’s contract. “I figured after getting straight A’s in theater school and landing a leading role on a pilot TV series, my mom would have some level of pride in me. But she refuses to talk to me because she’s upset that I’m still not making over a million dollars a year – which by the way, who does?” Eli Zimmerman, Katherine’s youngest son, is also concerned about Katherine’s policy. “If she thinks I’m going to come home with a girl around my arms, she’s going to be heavily disappointed.”

Despite their disapproval, Katherine Zimmerman is committed to seeing her contract to the end. “They’re my children, and I can never imagine just tossing them aside. All I ask is they respect my demands. Otherwise, they won’t be getting my approval.”

Content Editor at The MQ

Steven Zhou was made in Canada and designed in California. He tolerates writing and has been occasionally funny since 2016.

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