November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II

Written by: Tommy Jung

Price Center’s Dirty Birds Delayed Due to Environmental Protestors Wearing Dawn Shirts

Last Thursday, confused environmental protestors from the surrounding La Jolla neighborhood stormed Price Center to protest the construction of the new Dirty Birds location. “We don’t need more dirty birds, we need more clean birds,” claimed a protestor wearing a Dawn dish soap shirt. “I personally washed at least five birds during the filming of Dawn’s cleaning oil spills campaign. It hurts me greatly to see people trying to undo our hard work by pushing stereotypes that birds should be dirty, not sparkling clean like your dishes after you use Dawn dish soap.”

“I don’t know why people are standing here, I just like crowds,” claimed a group of students joining the protest. “Also, they’re handing out free Dawn dish soap to anyone who joins the protest. I don’t think I was supposed to talk about that.” The construction team, who already ran out of budget, was not available for comments.

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