Volume 24
Top Ten Things Your Professor Was Thinking While Giving You That Midterm
I’ve already decided that this test’s average will be 37 percent What’s that stain on my khakis? Look at these losers, still having to pay for …
Area Man: “Kale Me Now” in Response to Woman’s Ignorance on Greens
Yesterday, area man Clarence Simpson visited his local farmer’s market where he witnessed what can only be described as “the pinnacle of human ignorance.” Simpson said, …
History Channel Launches New Series, “Fuck It, What If?”
The History Channel recently began production of a new original series, where loosely-named professionals speculate on a wide variety of historical theories. “History Channel has the …
Area Woman Sure She Doesn’t Want Crate & Barrel Card, Veteran Store Associate Disagrees
Area woman Lily Petersen was shocked and disgusted when she was encouraged to apply for an in-store credit card at her local Crate & Barrel. “I’m …
Local Furry Uses Halloween to Avoid Judgement
Recently, sophomore student Jane Doe has announced her plan to dress up as a tiger this Halloween, confurming her friends’ suspicions and shocking the general populace. …
Escaped Grad Student Found Grading Homework in APM Basement
The UCSD Police Department recently announced that they have lifted their campus lockdown status, following a 48-hour manhunt to try and track down Antonio Costa, the …
Halloween Party Ruined by Untimely Serial Killer: “This Isn’t the One We Hired”
Halloween weekend for a suburban costume party turned into a literal nightmare when one of the guests committed murder. Initially hired as a costumed stripper, the …
Baskin Robbins Accidentally Creates 32nd Flavor, Immediately Destroys It
The internet is buzzing after the Baskin Robbins CEO, Nigel Travis, confirmed the momentary existence of a 32nd ice cream flavor. Travis alerted reporters Sunday evening …
