Volume 22 Issue 2
Student Helps to Fight Drought, Continues to Not Shower
Local hero Brian Mulligan announced on Facebook last Wednesday that he is giving up his personal hygiene in order to combat the severe drought in California. …
UCSD Student Fails COGS 107A, Turing Test
A study conducted by the Cognitive Science Student Association in adjunct with Associated Students as part of their grade distribution collection has determined that third-year UC …
George R.R. Martin Allegedly Killed Off by Own Characters
George R. R. Martin, considered by some to be the most prolific serial killer in history, was found dead in his home last Sunday with a …
President of UCs Makes $570,000, Can Almost Afford UC Tuition
University of California President Janet Napolitano has almost reached her goal of funding her first year of college at a UC. Napolitano, who claims she couldn’t …
La Jolla Hammerhead Admits Dissatisfaction with Local Real Estate, Heads Back to Mexico
La Jolla Shores Beach was emptied last week in response to a hammerhead shark sighting. Contrary to popular belief and hearsay, the shark had not arrived …
Freshman Pre-Med Calls It, UCSD’s Official Time of Death Oct. 9, 10:28 PM
On October 9, Michael Zhao officially called it. Listing the time of death as 10:28 pm, Zhao loudly proclaimed that UCSD truly was UC Socially Dead. …
Undeclared Major Impacted
UC San Diego announced yesterday that it is declaring its “Undeclared” major impacted due to record enrollment and unprecedented demand for the major. This comes after …
Study Finds Men More Masculine Than Ever
Men have been found to be manlier than ever, as reported by a recent scientific study. Researchers attribute this increase in manliness to factors including the …
Area Cat First Ever to Catch the Red Dot
Guthrie Jagermanjensen, a seven-year-old British shorthair from Claremont Mesa accomplished the “glorious feat” of catching the red dot that has eluded cats around the world for …
Disgruntled Tour Guide Leads Group Up Peterson Hill
In an ongoing campus tour, third-year undergraduate tour guide Irene Montani led her 24-person tour group up the entirety of Peterson Hill in frustration at her …
