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Target Announces Ides of March Pride Collection
On March 12, Target CEO Knott Pandring announced the newest entry to the store’s Pride collection of dishware and home goods: a set of 23 knives …
Student Awaits Punishment for “Bathroom Grinding”
Controversy arose on campus when word spread that Itsara Chen, a third-year business major, was in the Catalyst Hall bathroom stall while on a Zoom call …
Google Lays Off Entire In-House Circus
“I’ve been searching and searching for a job, but I think I’ve just lost my drive,” said Willow.Photo by Amit Roth Citing recent economic troubles, Google …
Elephant Evades Poachers
He just Ducks
Pepsi Carbonates Ocean in Attempt to Go Carbon Neutral
“I thought Pepsi’s carbonation initiative would taste better,” said one customer. “I’m still a bit salty about it.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Pepsi has begun carbonating the …
Farmer’s Produce Runs Away
He doesn’t carrot all
UCSD Chemists Abandon IUPAC in Favor of “Making Shit Up”
“I’m pretty sure someone labeled the heavy water as regular water,” remarked one slightly heavier lab student.Photo by Millie You After two afternoons of deliberations, the …
Mother Traps Baby Under Bar to Break Deadlift Record
“I think powerlifting competitions should ban PEBs,” said Hafþór Björnsson. “Performance enhancing babies detract from the clean nature of the sport.”Photo by Connor Betterly On March …
Guy Fieri Announces Bid for California Senate Seat with Diners, Drive-Ins and Democracy
“If he can beat Bobby Flay, he can do anything,” voiced one voter.Photo by Connor Betterly On Tuesday, February 14, longtime California senator Dianne Feinstein announced …
