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Seventh College Installs Decorative Solar Panels
“The cord isn’t long enough to plug into the sun, what’d you expect?” asked the panel installation contractor.Photo by Kaz Nuckowski In an unprecedented strategy to …
Student Awaits Punishment for “Bathroom Grinding”
Controversy arose on campus when word spread that Itsara Chen, a third-year business major, was in the Catalyst Hall bathroom stall while on a Zoom call …
Google Lays Off Entire In-House Circus
“I’ve been searching and searching for a job, but I think I’ve just lost my drive,” said Willow.Photo by Amit Roth Citing recent economic troubles, Google …
Goodyear Blimp Grounded Indefinitely
Photo by Amit Roth Throughout the month of February, several balloons flying over North America were shot down by U.S. fighter pilots. Following these incidents, Goodyear …
How Depleted Uranium Could Solve the World Hunger Crisis
Five years ago, I was walking on a trail through the Yucca Mountains in Nevada when I stumbled upon a dull, grayish-black bar of metal. Having …
Elephant Evades Poachers
He just Ducks
Pepsi Carbonates Ocean in Attempt to Go Carbon Neutral
“I thought Pepsi’s carbonation initiative would taste better,” said one customer. “I’m still a bit salty about it.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Pepsi has begun carbonating the …
Farmer’s Produce Runs Away
He doesn’t carrot all
UCSD Chemists Abandon IUPAC in Favor of “Making Shit Up”
“I’m pretty sure someone labeled the heavy water as regular water,” remarked one slightly heavier lab student.Photo by Millie You After two afternoons of deliberations, the …
Mother Traps Baby Under Bar to Break Deadlift Record
“I think powerlifting competitions should ban PEBs,” said Hafþór Björnsson. “Performance enhancing babies detract from the clean nature of the sport.”Photo by Connor Betterly On March …
