28.7
UCSD Fourth-Year Refuses To Admit She Has Peaked
“I’m embarrassed for myself,” admitted Hester Corduroy. “Even now, I feel like I’m half present — some part of me is looking on in complete disgust …
SDPD Uncovers Cannibal Cult
“I don’t need a vaccine to protect me; I have diamond armor,” wrote @fathogjones on Twitter.Photo by Sharon Roth On Sunday, May 29, a squad of …
Local Parents Welcome Another Child Into Their Family
Happily announce the baby is a Scorpio
UCSD Unveils Limited Number of Singularity Dorms to House Infinite Students in One Room
Plans to create more singularity housing failed when two dorms merged into one supermassive housing unit.Photo by Sharon Roth During a press conference earlier this week, …
Statistics Show Alaskans Have Better Love Lives
It doesn’t take a dummy to figure out why
Things are Starting to Change and I Don’t Like It
Things are changing, and not for the better. The future is a murky forest I dare not delve into for fear that I will not be …
Mother Nature Dramatically Misunderstands the Assignment, Starts Giving Out Lemmings
One customer said, “I bit into a lemon and was horrified to find out that it was actually a small rodent. It’s a horrible moral delemming.”Photo …
Title of Khosla’s Leaked 2022 Commencement Address: “Good Luck LMAO”
“I was really worried and uncertain for my future,” began one student. “But after reading this speech, I’m reassured that I’m definitely screwed.”Photo by Maria Dhilla …
