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Local Student Seeks to Learn Who Gerry Mandering Is
Quill later wanted to find out who “All” was and why they should get Medicare.Photo by Jack Yang First-year ERC student Tara Quill, after just now realizing …
Warren Dining Hall Reopening Delayed by Raccoon Takeover
Despite concerns that the new food being served would be contaminated by rabies, various Warren students said that had always been a concern.Photo by Jack Yang The …
New Trump Healthcare Program Supplies Public With Healing Crystals
Doctors are encouraging patients to look at their prescribed crystals at least twice a day.Photo by Jack Yang In January 2020, the Trump administration will roll out …
Campus Squirrels Outraged After Hearing About No Nut November
Nibbles was reportedly distraught at how nuts the situation was.Photo by Jack Yang Area squirrels Nibbles and Chipper are furious after being told about the phenomenon known …
“Distant Relative ‘Cannot BELIEVE’ How Much You’ve Grown Since Last Christmas”
After witnessing the growth of her grandnephew, Great Aunt Patty immediately went to work knitting 75 larger sweaters and cooking 32 times the original amount of …
Suburban Mother Achieves Peak Fighting Physique After Training for Black Friday
After preparing for Black Friday, Richards decided to enroll in another strength training program for Boxing Day.Photo by Jack Yang Pamela Richards, mother of four and self-proclaimed …
Local Mall Santa Claims it is Impossible to Have One Ho, Must Have Three
Local Mall Santa Claims it is Impossible to Have One Ho, Must Have Three After showing up to work two and a half hours late with …
Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? vs. You’re 35, Bill
Point: Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? Dear Santa, My name is Bill, and I have a question to ask you. Why …
UN Declares State of Emergency due to Spotify Algorithm
Last week, United Nations president Tijjani Muhammad- Bande declared a state of emergency because “Spotify just compelled him to”. “It was really weird at first,” Muhammad-Bande …
Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks
Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks New research from the UCSD’s Local Administration on Manners and Extroversion (L.A.M.E.) shows that those parties …
