Volume 25
State of Emergency Admitted as 51st State
Despite common perception, the government instituted a significant change during the shutdown last month — the admission of a new state to the Union. The selection …
UCSD Offers Meth Class After Typo
On January 7, a math professor expressed feeling stressed after seeing the three-page roster for his freshman seminar. A spelling mistake in UCSD’s app, WebReg, led …
Internet Point/Counter Point
Point: The Internet is Broken and I Can’t Find My Email Okay Google, I want my email … Is this working? Forget it, I’ll do it …
New Parents Celebrate Their Fetus’ Genitalia With Cake and Explosions
Last night, parents-to-be Donna and Eric Henway sent out invitations to their upcoming party where they plan to reveal the nature of their unborn child’s genitals …
Trump Announces Plans to Run
President Donald Trump recently made an announcement through Twitter: “I am planning to run.” This five-word tweet has caused a commotion in Washington, D.C. as White …
UCSD to Shut Down Over Parking
The Associated Students Council adjourned at 7:26 p.m., failing to pass a resolution to secure funding for the quarter. UC San Diego will shut down at …
King Midas: “Golden Globes Were Disappointing”
Following the 76th Golden Globes Awards, infamous political figurehead King Midas called the event “a sham.” First posted to his Twitter account and later confirmed in …
Louis C.K. Confident in New Standup Routine About Women
In the aftermath of a recent publicity scandal, comic Louis C.K. has decided to premiere a new standup act in an attempt to curry favor with …
New Avocado-Filled California King Mattresses Take the Country by Storm
In an unexpected trend sweeping the United States, many American couples are redefining the few hours they spend asleep by switching to avocado-filled mattresses. The precise …
